First, Steph and I are no longer together which left my heart in pieces because after being together for a year she up and leaves me for her ex telling me that she didn't think she ever loved me and a year meant nothing and that she was sorry... :|
We tried to be friends but I couldn't handle it, there's no way you can still be friends after being together for a year and loving someone that much, everyone told me to drop it like my heart wasn't crushed, like I didn't feel completely small and foolish.
it was hard and sometimes still is, even though I know now that she was completely wrong for me and that I could never trust her after what she did a part of me still loves her and I hate myself for it.
Brighter times are here though because I have a job now but due to circumstances I had to stop school but I'm still going to try to follow my dreams with my animation company.
I also have a new Girlfriend who is much more suited to who I am, she gets my Jokes, she gets my References, shes actually close by and most importantly she loves God.
We get along and we're a lot a like, there was somethings that I was concerned about but when I'm with her all that fear and doubt just seem to melt away and I'm not scared anymore.
I have a great feeling about her an I and I don't know how I know but I know she's the one, it's one of those things I feel in my gut but then again who knows, I guess that's up to God I guess.
what's odd is going from Steph who was 12 years younger than I was to someone who is 5 years older than I am, but as I said, Kat is a much better fit for me than Steph ever was.
I honestly think Kat is perfect for me and our relationship came out of the blue, sometimes I start thinking about things and I start to worry because after being together for a year with Steph she just up and left me and I don't think I could handle that again.
Devastation of the heart is the worst and as hard as I've been trying Steph is still lurking in the back of my mind and what's worse is that she's marrying her ex and on top of it the guy didn't even care that he split Steph and I up, that was the reason he started talking to her again.
I don't want to be paranoid and I don't want to over think things with Kat but it's a hard thing to break as you wonder what would stop anyone from leaving again.
I think that's something both Kat and I have trouble with, over thinking things, I'm leading our relationship and she's trying to come along for the ride. lol
It's strange because everything I've ever looked for in a woman, she is, I think she's beautiful both inside and out but as usual it's hard to hear, I think most women have trouble with compliments because I seem to come in contact with women who don't seem to believe me when I tell them.
I'm hoping things will work out with Kat and I'm already feeling our chemistry but then maybe I'm just the type of person to fall for someone quickly because I have a big heart and a lot of love to give.
Everything feels right with her, I feel like I can be myself around her and that makes me happy and I think that if I can be happy with her then I don't have to worry so much about anything else because everything will just fall into place.
I guess we'll see as time goes on but for now I'm very happy in my new relationship and that's all that matters to me.
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