There's a 700LBS. Gorilla living in the room and the only way I found I can get rid of him is just bananas!

So now it's 7 Mos. with Steph last Saturday, we got together and had a wonderful time together...Although my Mother was not pleased that I stayed the night with Steph at all which makes Steph feel like my mom hates Her which isn't the case but still.
 The only thing that really was a bummer was when both of us came down from the room the next morning and it was raining which pretty much ruined my plans to take Steph to the Gardens so we went to the movie beastly.
I had thought She might enjoy it but even the movie was kinda ruined when the sound kept going in and out half the movie, I forgot Paul was playing but I don't think she would have enjoyed that much either.
 Beastly is one of those movies that you can kinda wait for, it was a nice retelling and there were parts here and there that made me laugh but over all it wasn't as compelling as I would have hoped it would have been.
I'm not quite sure how to deal with everything, I mean I'm in this relationship and it's unusual and then there's school which I have so much going on I forget some of my assignments, It's not completely my fault though as I wouldn't have a problem with one thing or another if I only had one subject to deal with at a time.
 Like if I was purely modeling or photo-shopping or anything like that but when they tell you to build a full scale of a train with little parts and then write a mock up of a company with a power point presentation, write a essay, draw a woman posing and paint a portrait along with designing a video game character THEN paint it's portrait along with a fake game ad that you also design...
 That's the week and I don't have the computer for it so it's late night in the lab like tonight on which my parents call me and tell me what time it is...
 I look at my life and I can't help but feel as though I'm lagging behind everyone else my age, I know everyone has their own timing to live their lives and I also know a lot of people are living with their parents these days because of things...
 It's still very hard and there's a lot of fear of failing since it seems to know me so well but at the same time I have to keep a constant reminder that it's only failing if you don't get up after you fall.
 I got an interview with Phil Vischer who is the creator of Veggie tales and 321 Penguins, I tell you it really does give me hope to know that if Phil can start with 5 people out of His house in a bedroom then there's hope for me yet.
   I still need to find time to write my novel and I need to still learn guitar somewhere in the middle of all this chaos which seems like a near impossible task at the moment but I need to breath and try to get things done.
I found my cousin who I haven't talked to in a long time, I really missed him a lot and he was like a brother to me, I wanted to cry when he left.
So I wanted to keep all you up to date on what's going on in my life, as crazy as it is but now I have to figure out what my next objective is...

"Fairly early in life, I noticed my brain was weird. By that I mean that I noticed it had a way of looking at normal things from a slightly twisted angle--just twisted enough that it often made me chuckle." - Phil Vischer

Stop the world I want to get off!

If you have been wondering why I haven't been writing it's because I've been Preoccupied with what's been going on in my life.
I don't like where I am in life, I look around and I see what's going on with everyone else and I feel as though I should be farther along with my life.
I'll be turning 30 at the end of the month and I have nothing to show for it, my Younger brother just got married not long ago, it's like that with a lot of people I know, My brother has built a place for Himself as a manager where He's worked for 11 years.
Granted I know He wants more but at least He's got something stable to hold onto which is more than I can say for myself.
I'm unemployed like 10% of Americans but even before that I had a hard time finding or holding a job although it's nice to blame a downed economy so I don't feel like such a failure.
Living with your parents is not the most Ideal place to be even though I understand more people my age are living with parents.
Well the unemployed thing isn't totally true I guess, I mean I work as a media Manager for a friend of mine but my pay is based on a project we're doing and that's on hold for now so I won't have income until the project is done.
I feel bad because all I can do is Help out, I don't have any money to give my parents and most often I'm asking for it, mainly for eating if I do go out which lately hasn't been much.
I've cut down on the places I go so it's a bit easier but it's still hard on everyone across the board.
Sometimes I just want to pick up and go somewhere but then I think about it and have no clue where I would go.
I have friends in different places but then I would want to move somewhere warm but I don't know people in warm places...
What sucks the most is the fact I have no dating life, I know I need a job before I can date because I'm responsible like that but even if I did find someone to go out with it's not very Ideal that they would want to go back to dear ol' mom and dad's place.
Not that I don't love my parents but let's face it, I'm not a teenager anymore even though I didn't really date in my teen years either but that's another story all together.
I feel even more torn by the fact that I kind of want to go back to school but I have seen too many bad things with going back to school to doubt if it's even worth it to go.
I've seen people, get student loans and then head for 4 years of college or trade school, they get done only to find that either...

1. They have to go back to the same crap work they were trying to get away from.
2. They have nothing to come back to only to have to keep paying back student loans that they will never be able to pay back.

Right now it seems like I would have nothing to loose, I mean after all I'm already unemployed right?
Well see the thing is that I went for 2 years to a trade school and came back to nothing and I don't want to waste my time to come back to nothing again.

Another problem is that I have too many things I want to do if I did go back to school.

I want to be a better writer.
I want to go into art.
I want to go into animation.
I want to go into Film.
I want to go into Audio recording.

all these things would coincide with one another but would take years upon years to do, Right now I'm 30, even if I did do only 2 years each and passed, did well, I would be 40 by the time I got everything done and with no real promise of ever getting a Job.

My problem is that I am so scattered right now, I'm trying to write my novel and get it done but I'm so stressed out because I need money now and I keep getting side tracked and it's driving me nuts.

I know God has everything under control but I feel like I don't know what I should be doing right now, I want to pay my parents for staying here but it's so freaking hard to find something I won't fail at.
that's another story though...

People my age already have careers, wifes, houses and children of their own by now, all set and it drives me nuts that people younger than I am already are farther along in life than I am.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth getting out of bed anymore.

I'll leave you with this Quote...

"No amount of sizzle will make a bad steak good." - Anonymous
“School's a weird thing. I'm not sure it works.” - Johnny Depp