Out of nowhere I got Hit in the face by cupid's Boxing glove!

So I'm standing there and out of nowhere I got sucker punched!!!!
It's strange because I've wanted a relationship and frankly it came as a surprise that someone so much younger than I am has connected with me more than anyone else I've known.
We talked and video chatted and She amazes me in every way!
I miss her right now and I talked to her not but a few hours ago, We have a lot in common and she likes me for who I am even in all my dorkiness!!!
I'm breaking all my rules which is weird for me to do in the least, She's young which normally I keep the girls I date to 25 and older...
She's not a believer which I'm not going to try and convert Her in any way because it's a personal decision She has to make on Her own although it would be even better if she did make that choice on Her own.
I never expected this at all but I find it sad and strange that all the Christian women I asked out all shot me down or plain just don't like me and yet a Non Christian girl accepts me for who I am and absolutely adores me!
That is totally messed up!
I've been asked why I didn't find someone close who's a Christian and my reply is this...
"I tried, I really did and all I got was shot down every single time."
I know this is bad in some ways but I'm so sick of being the nice 'well behaved' guy who gets nowhere with anyone and the guy women don't want to be with so I'm going to stop, relax and have fun for once in my life.
People I know won't like it but I'm an adult and it's not for lack of trying to find a nice Christian girl, I've had more of a connection with Steph than anyone else I've ever met!!!
This feels so right and She makes me so happy that I just want to be around Her all the time, it's very hard to not be around Her, I've never felt like I've wanted to be with anyone this badly before.
The strangest part of this all is how quickly it happened and the fact of how much I like Her in such a short time. :D

I know this is the spot I normally put a quote for you but I'm smiling too much... Maybe I'll add one later. lol :D

While sitting in a bookstore you'll find an elephant in the corner.

I don't get out that often in part due to the fact that I have to ration my gas of my car and the other part due to that it's far too hot and muggy lately.
Now the house I'm at doesn't have air conditioning like the old place did, I have a fan but it's hard to put it at a good decent distance from myself so it cools me and doesn't dry my eyes out.
I find it hard to do any writing of my novel, I tend to get distracted, I don't much like tv either which makes it that much stranger if I'm watching some rerun of any show.
It's either that or it's getting caught up on the web, I can zip through my accounts not problem, the main problem is that a bedroom is a dangerous place to write a novel because my bed is there calling me to dream land.
I've been so stinking tired, even when I drink an energy drink I seem to be able to drift off easy enough but then it doesn't help that I've been staying up till all hours lately.
I have an opportunity to have a girlfriend and that would be a wonderful but it would be long distance and I know more than anyone how hard that is.
On one hand it would afford me not to have to spend money on "dates" like movie and dinner, that would be convenient because I don't have the money at the moment for things like that.
Then on the other hand I don't think it would be fair to Her because I couldn't come visit her either.
It's not like she's too far away, She's only a few hours away so I'm torn with the whole thing and right now it's just being friends while I figure out if I want to pursue anything.
Generally I would jump on the opportunity to have a girlfriend just because it's been over 5 years since I've had a relationship.
This doesn't mean I'm desperate by any means because I'm not one of those people who feel they're worth something only when they're with someone.
I've been contemplating if women even like me at all because any time I ask anyone out I get shot down, it's much like a game of duck hunt.
What those women don't realize is that when I'm in a relationship I put myself in it, I'm loyal, romantic and I don't mind talking and opening up or going to see "chick flicks".
Women always whine about wanting a guy like me and yet they pass me over so quickly that I find it a bit Ironically funny.
"Why are all the best guys either taken or gay?" This is something else I hear a lot too but that is a false assumption due to the fact that they pass us up and they won't look twice at us unless we have a woman on our arm and taken.
I swear women don't notice unless that happens because once they find out someone is taken they start to ponder what qualities that man has to get another woman to be with Him.
It's enough to make me want to buy a wedding ring and see the women start being attracted, you might say that's wrong to do but I ask you, what's worse? Me putting on a fake wedding ring or the the women that ignore me unless I have a ring on?
It all doesn't matter which is worse because their both wrong and it's all comparative anyways, I don't think anything is better or worse than anything else, if we were to treat everything at the same horror then I think we could stop Judging one another.
Is molestation worse than murder or bestiality? I say no they're all wrong and all despicable so it shouldn't matter.
Now I got off on a rant there for a second but going back to what I was saying, I want to make it clear that I DON'T wear a fake ring or anything of the sort, just tempted to try it as a test.
Right now my life is less than Ideal to say the least but I realize that it could be far worse in a lot of other ways.
I just don't like feeling like a burden like I do, there's not really any Jobs available and the risk of starting a new business is dangerous in this economy with everything that's going on.
It's a rock and a hard place thing, do I go to school only to come back with no jobs available like I've seen so many times or do I go to a crappy job that will get me nowhere, start a business only to fail or not try at all and never see if I would succeed.
These are frustrations that I go through not to mention that I want to be a great writer like my ancestor Charles Dickens...
It's in my blood and I can't deny it but my creative side often outweighs my ability to push on to finish my writings, Sometimes I feel like if I had someone to challenge and push me I would have the drive to do anything.
It goes with the same way with anything I do in life though which makes it quite the paradox, I know it doesn't work this way but this is how it plays out in my head....

I'm not doing anything with my life because I don't have anyone to drive me wanting to do anything, if I had someone I would be more inclined to want to do more, I can't have someone because I'm not doing anything with my life and no one wants someone who isn't getting things done.

I find myself not being able to do either because one relies on the other, I don't make money because I don't have anyone for me to drive to earn it on and I can't have someone unless I have money to earn to go out...

I know what I need to do, I know I need to find the drive to earn money so I can find someone to spend it on but I can't quite find a reason to push myself to that extent because of reasons I have said in other entries with jobs and college.

Half the Jobs I can't do because it takes 4 year degrees which leaves menial jobs half of which I can't do which leaves sparse jobs.

I can't do food service because I can't push food out fast enough in a lunch rush and I'm not that great of a cook unless it's for myself and food service won't let you only be on register.

Retail I can't do because I worked it for 2 years and I hated how they push credit cards on the people, you don't get hours unless you have people sign up for their cards and I'm not one for forcing people into debt, I just won't do that to people.
Also I have a bad habit of being short with moron customers after a few hours and not one to hold my tongue if someone writes a check which often times gets me in trouble.
I mean honestly who writes checks in stores?? I understand writing checks for paying your bills but not for a store!

I can do office work but it's been so long since I've done that, that I'm not sure I could get a job in an office.

I can do janitorial but that just feels demeaning and lets face it, what woman would admit Her boyfriend is a janitor?

Warehouse work isn't bad but I'm a bit out of shape so it makes it hard to do what's required of me if I did.

I think about these things and it seems depressing that no matter what I do it's not going to matter much when everyone else is so far ahead in the race?

I'll leave you with these quotes...

"In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was."

"I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." ~Danny McGoorty

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” - William James

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino

Three Decades and counting...

I'm up, That's kind of a given and frankly I want to Blog a little more often.
It was my Birthday on the 31st of July, I wanted to write something but it didn't happen as you could see.
It's very strange to be as old as I am and I think it throws my Mother off that I still watch cartoons, Because everyone knows adults "don't watch cartoons" despite the fact that Adults MAKE the cartoons.
Why do I have to stop watching cartoons just because I'm an adult?
They don't make them quite like they used to though, all the stuff from today has nothing on the cartoons of the past. though I might be Biased there.
Look, I watch both shows for grown ups and "Kids" Programing.
Cartoons have always been for more adults than kids, there's things that go right over kids heads and appeal to adults.
Look at Pixar. :D
Who doesn't like it when Tom Chases Jerry around with a hammer, Jerry stops and picks up a huge mallet... Tom comes to a complete halt and finds good charity from Jerry when Jerry selflessly offers to switch the huge mallet for the little ballPene hammer.
Tom gladly switches Only to be hit on the foot with the same hammer He just switched. :D
Or how about all the other animated violence of yesteryear?
Frankly there's too many stupid people out there that think that kids aren't responsible for their actions.
I never went around hitting my brother with a shovel, you know why?? because my Parents were responsible enough to teach me right from wrong so I could watch something and know that If I hit someone they can/will get seriously hurt.
I'm not saying to let kids watch violent programing or play violent games, there are ratings there for a reason... BUT on the other hand if a kid plays a violent game or watches something Don't go blaming the things.
The parents should be confident in the fact that they hopefully taught their child, right and wrong, Reality from fantasy.
Parents can't always watch their kids 24/7, so a sleep over might turn into a movie the parent might not let their kids normally watch which is why I said it's important that you've taught your kids to know differences.
Anyway walking past that mini rant.lol
I'm 30 now and that is all too freaky to say the least because last thing I know I was 17 and all of a sudden I'm 30!
I had fun though, we went to the Safe-house in Milwaukee, If you don't know about it google it because it's a lot of fun and good food too.
Right now I feel stressed and torn because I don't feel like I've done much of anything with my life and I'm not happy where I'm at and where I'm going either.
Life isn't really complex at all in my opinion, I think we as humans make Life this big huge complex thing and make it far more complex then it has to be.
That's a lot to say coming from a person who isn't sure what to do next but then I don't think we're supposed to fully know because if we all knew what was going to happen next it would effect our judgement along with our free will.
Everyone acts according to their experiences and according to what they know, the pieces of the puzzle they've fit together so far.
The problem is that some people are only as far as the blue sky pieces so they can't quite fit where the other pieces go yet.
Have you ever heard the story of the blind men and the Elephant??

It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.

The First approach'd the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, -"Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out his eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he,
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Then, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

In the end we all have our journey's ahead of us and I'm only a part way there, I think the main thing is this.
Those blind men only happened to stay where they were and never moved at all so they never felt any other part of the Elephant which is why they argued so much instead of feeling the whole beast.
I don't know what's next for me or what I'm going to be doing next, all I can hope is my Novel gets finished and hope for the best from this year and the next few years.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but it's hard not to when everyone else seems to have careers,families,homes and kids by my age which is what's making my life both more complex and more frustrating than it really should be.

Let me leave you with these quotes...

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. ~Frank Tyger

“You're dead if you aim only for kids. Adults are only kids grown up, anyway.” ~Walt Disney