I did something crazy and I moved across country ! Risk is worth it

So 8 months ago I sold everything I could and just packed up the rest which included 6 bags of clothes, a box of dvds and bluray player, tons of books, and other things and just drove across the country on an adventure.
A lot of people thought I was crazy to do it, I had no prospects job wise and really no real security of anywhere to go but I felt I had to, I felt stuck where I was and as much as I loved Madison WI with all my friends and family I had to go.
I had a lot of fun driving through states, except you Wyoming, you sucked with your 3 radio stations and snow storm that set me back...
I saw the badlands which was amazing and met some people along the way, when I got to Washington state I found myself homeless in the Tri-cities which were pretty much a slum in the desert so not fun at all.
I was down to a little money left when my parents called me about a family friend whom said I could come stay with them for a little bit and maybe find me a job.
I left for Tacoma which was 2 hours away and stayed with them for a while and started working at the same company the family friend worked at and then they kicked me out so I was homeless again for a while as I worked.
I found a place in Olympia, WA and I love it here, I eventually transferred to a closer city to work and loved the job until I quit to go work for Xerox which I know now I should have just stayed where I was at.
all in all I've learned that even though taking chances is a scary thing risk is worth taking sometimes because without it, there's no reward, you really have to take a chance to find out and have as much faith that everything will work out in the end.
Right now I laugh because everyone thought I was crazy for just up and moving across the country but I had the best winter ever since there's been little snow while my Midwest friends and family got dumped on with a huge snowfall.
I love my life right now, it's not perfect but I'm much happier than I was and am confident I did the right thing and what needed to be done for my own sake.
There will be people who will look at your actions and scoff or call you crazy for it but you shouldn't do it for them, you do it for yourself and only yourself.
You may fall, fail but in the end it is much more satisfying to fail on your own terms than live under others terms.
Always remember that.

Strange happenings

So it's nearly a year later and a lot has changed...
First, Steph and I are no longer together which left my heart in pieces because after being together for a year she up and leaves me for her ex telling me that she didn't think she ever loved me and a year meant nothing and that she was sorry... :|

We tried to be friends but I couldn't handle it, there's no way you can still be friends after being together for a year and loving someone that much, everyone told me to drop it like my heart wasn't crushed, like I didn't feel completely small and foolish.

it was hard and sometimes still is, even though I know now that she was completely wrong for me and that I could never trust her after what she did a part of me still loves her and I hate myself for it.

Brighter times are here though because I have a job now but due to circumstances I had to stop school but I'm still going to try to follow my dreams with my animation company.

I also have a new Girlfriend who is much more suited to who I am, she gets my Jokes, she gets my References, shes actually close by and most importantly she loves God.

We get along and we're a lot a like, there was somethings that I was concerned about but when I'm with her all that fear and doubt just seem to melt away and I'm not scared anymore.

I have a great feeling about her an I and I don't know how I know but I know she's the one, it's one of those things I feel in my gut but then again who knows, I guess that's up to God I guess.

what's odd is going from Steph who was 12 years younger than I was to someone who is 5 years older than I am, but as I said, Kat is a much better fit for me than Steph ever was.

I honestly think Kat is perfect for me and our relationship came out of the blue, sometimes I start thinking about things and I start to worry because after being together for a year with Steph she just up and left me and I don't think I could handle that again.

Devastation of the heart is the worst and as hard as I've been trying Steph is still lurking in the back of my mind and what's worse is that she's marrying her ex and on top of it the guy didn't even care that he split Steph and I up, that was the reason he started talking to her again.

I don't want to be paranoid and I don't want to over think things with Kat but it's a hard thing to break as you wonder what would stop anyone from leaving again.

I think that's something both Kat and I have trouble with, over thinking things, I'm leading our relationship and she's trying to come along for the ride. lol

It's strange because everything I've ever looked for in a woman, she is, I think she's beautiful both inside and out but as usual it's hard to hear, I think most women have trouble with compliments because I seem to come in contact with women who don't seem to believe me when I tell them.

I'm hoping things will work out with Kat and I'm already feeling our chemistry but then maybe I'm just the type of person to fall for someone quickly because I have a big heart and a lot of love to give.

Everything feels right with her, I feel like I can be myself around her and that makes me happy and I think that if I can be happy with her then I don't have to worry so much about anything else because everything will just fall into place.

I guess we'll see as time goes on but for now I'm very happy in my new relationship and that's all that matters to me.

The rumors about the man from Nantucket are greatly exagerated.

So I've been going to school for a passion of mine and loving it a lot but I think the fact that all the books are going digital and the School is giving us Ipad 2's is AWESOME!
So besides that my Birthday is coming up and I'll be 31, it's strange how you can be 18 one moment and the next you're in your 30's.
Speaking of being 18, Steph and I have this strange thing going on, mainly it's my fault, I wind up blowing things out of proportion, I try not to get paranoid about that kinda thing but I've been better lately, I mean I keep having this feeling that if we argue she'll break up with me.
We've been together for 11 mo. now I believe which is crazy to me, nearly a year and I don't think I've ever had a relationship that long that I can recall and only about 3 I took seriously, not that I dated much to begin with.
I'm still looking for a job, I hate having to rely on my dad for money but I'm thankful He's been helping me out, I don't think people realize how much I don't like living at home or having to get money from my parents, People seem to have this idea that somehow I'm one of these people who wants to live with his parents the rest of his life when it's the further from the truth.
I also hear people can't take me seriously because my standing at the moment which is bogus, why is it that people seem to have this notion that if you're rich you have more clout than some guy who happens to be living on the street?
Correct me if I'm wrong But Obi Wan was a hermit wasn't he? Apart from him being completely fictional think about it, what makes my opinion any less valid than Bill Gates? Correct me if I'm wrong but Howard Hues was one of the richest men in the world in his time and the guy was completely nuts...Granted it was because of chlamydia but still the point is that people take you more seriously when you have money... Any money and you don't even have to be rich.
There's another perception people have of me, they seem to call me immature... :|
Believe it or not, I do have a serious and thought provoking side and yet people seem to look this over, I say something thought provoking and people are shocked.
Yes, I like Animation, yes I love to do voices and I can be like a kid some times but that doesn't mean I'm immature.
People have no idea how much I have to calm myself down from being hyper because people can't handle it, they can't handle my energy but even though I bring it down so others don't feel uncomfortable around me they don't know what a toll it takes on me.
If you had to hide who you are how would you feel? Accepted? Happy? Not likely at all and it's not fun either, it gets hard to maintain sometimes, I've been very reserved at school, very quiet, there's already a joker in my class so I take a back seat.
I've tried my hardest to not be so critical of things but I slip sometimes, people only want to hear what you have to say when they agree with it otherwise all hell breaks loose and people scream bloody murder for it.
God forbid you have a different opinion right?
I try to concentrate at school, sometimes I stay late...A lot and some times I get lost in my classes because they go fast, I like that the staff is there to help if you need it.
My life is falling into place and yet it's a mess at the same time, I don't know how that works, I love God very much, I know I screw up and right now I'm not exactly doing something some people like or want me to do, maybe I'm a hypocrite with it but I want people to not say anything and let me make my own mistakes.
I get enough guff and I'm working though something right now but people keep bugging me about it and I want something for me right now, I never asked for much but God brought me what I asked for even if I am going about it the wrong way, I'm still holding out hope in things, there must be a reason for it or it wouldn't have happened from my view.
I pray for my Girlfriend, I want her to encounter God but she has to do that on her own, I can't force her to believe and maybe I'm just here to plant seeds but People take up issue with me when it's me dating her and no one else; not really anyone else' business either.
I feel like this guy no one even knows, they know me, know of me and hear stories of what I am doing and yet they have no idea who I am or why I am the way I am.
I am the man from Nantucket [sort of]
That wasn't even my goal for this blog and yet as I write I am figuring out that I really am like the man from Nantucket.
I consider myself to be like David which is Ironic because it's my middle name of all things...
I am Chasing after God and even though I screw up badly sometimes God still finds favor with me, I looked out on the roof [Still am] and seeing something I'm not supposed to.
God has a weird way of using the broken and the losers who can't really do anything right, this is because it shows people God really is there and makes a world of difference, it gives us hope that if God can use people like that than imagine what He can do with people who aren't?

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."

—Will Rogers

There's a 700LBS. Gorilla living in the room and the only way I found I can get rid of him is just bananas!

So now it's 7 Mos. with Steph last Saturday, we got together and had a wonderful time together...Although my Mother was not pleased that I stayed the night with Steph at all which makes Steph feel like my mom hates Her which isn't the case but still.
 The only thing that really was a bummer was when both of us came down from the room the next morning and it was raining which pretty much ruined my plans to take Steph to the Gardens so we went to the movie beastly.
I had thought She might enjoy it but even the movie was kinda ruined when the sound kept going in and out half the movie, I forgot Paul was playing but I don't think she would have enjoyed that much either.
 Beastly is one of those movies that you can kinda wait for, it was a nice retelling and there were parts here and there that made me laugh but over all it wasn't as compelling as I would have hoped it would have been.
I'm not quite sure how to deal with everything, I mean I'm in this relationship and it's unusual and then there's school which I have so much going on I forget some of my assignments, It's not completely my fault though as I wouldn't have a problem with one thing or another if I only had one subject to deal with at a time.
 Like if I was purely modeling or photo-shopping or anything like that but when they tell you to build a full scale of a train with little parts and then write a mock up of a company with a power point presentation, write a essay, draw a woman posing and paint a portrait along with designing a video game character THEN paint it's portrait along with a fake game ad that you also design...
 That's the week and I don't have the computer for it so it's late night in the lab like tonight on which my parents call me and tell me what time it is...
 I look at my life and I can't help but feel as though I'm lagging behind everyone else my age, I know everyone has their own timing to live their lives and I also know a lot of people are living with their parents these days because of things...
 It's still very hard and there's a lot of fear of failing since it seems to know me so well but at the same time I have to keep a constant reminder that it's only failing if you don't get up after you fall.
 I got an interview with Phil Vischer who is the creator of Veggie tales and 321 Penguins, I tell you it really does give me hope to know that if Phil can start with 5 people out of His house in a bedroom then there's hope for me yet.
   I still need to find time to write my novel and I need to still learn guitar somewhere in the middle of all this chaos which seems like a near impossible task at the moment but I need to breath and try to get things done.
I found my cousin who I haven't talked to in a long time, I really missed him a lot and he was like a brother to me, I wanted to cry when he left.
So I wanted to keep all you up to date on what's going on in my life, as crazy as it is but now I have to figure out what my next objective is...

"Fairly early in life, I noticed my brain was weird. By that I mean that I noticed it had a way of looking at normal things from a slightly twisted angle--just twisted enough that it often made me chuckle." - Phil Vischer

My life is crazy right now!

I know I haven't written anything in a long time so I thought I would take some time out to write something quick to all 7 of my followers. lol
so I've been going to school and spending most of my time in the lab, My girlfriend and I have had a bumpy 6 month relationship and she sometimes doesn't know what she really wants except maybe for me.
We talk and half the time she doesn't know what to say and I have to admit I run out of things too but that tends to happen when you do most the talking...
There's only so many times you can ask "So what's up?" or "What do you have going on tomorrow?" you tend to loose steam from it.
then both of us wind up tired because it's late but she doesn't want to let me go because she still wants to talk despite not having anything left to talk about.
I love Her and we've been together for 6 months now but it's getting frustrating with being stressed out from school and no job.
I worked for Netflix for a while but they laid everyone off which left me unhappy to say the least, they were by far the best employer I've ever had and they lay nearly everyone off...
So now I'm trying to survive the best I can but it's hard because it puts stress on everyone including myself and it doesn't stop there either.
People seem to have this wrong impression of me, that because I'm living with my parents (Not something I want) that my opinions are invalid or that I'm immature.
I pay what I can when I can and they forget I was out on my own, I didn't always live with my parents...
I can't seem to catch a break at all which is why I'm going to school, I'm hoping that when I'm done I not only will have a stable job but eventually start my own animation company.
I would talk about what happened at the capitol but I stayed clear from that circus and I don't want to start a riot from my opinion.
For the most part I'm doing ok, Other than missing my girlfriend and being stressed out from school everything is going ok... Crazy but ok.

Out of nowhere I got Hit in the face by cupid's Boxing glove!

So I'm standing there and out of nowhere I got sucker punched!!!!
It's strange because I've wanted a relationship and frankly it came as a surprise that someone so much younger than I am has connected with me more than anyone else I've known.
We talked and video chatted and She amazes me in every way!
I miss her right now and I talked to her not but a few hours ago, We have a lot in common and she likes me for who I am even in all my dorkiness!!!
I'm breaking all my rules which is weird for me to do in the least, She's young which normally I keep the girls I date to 25 and older...
She's not a believer which I'm not going to try and convert Her in any way because it's a personal decision She has to make on Her own although it would be even better if she did make that choice on Her own.
I never expected this at all but I find it sad and strange that all the Christian women I asked out all shot me down or plain just don't like me and yet a Non Christian girl accepts me for who I am and absolutely adores me!
That is totally messed up!
I've been asked why I didn't find someone close who's a Christian and my reply is this...
"I tried, I really did and all I got was shot down every single time."
I know this is bad in some ways but I'm so sick of being the nice 'well behaved' guy who gets nowhere with anyone and the guy women don't want to be with so I'm going to stop, relax and have fun for once in my life.
People I know won't like it but I'm an adult and it's not for lack of trying to find a nice Christian girl, I've had more of a connection with Steph than anyone else I've ever met!!!
This feels so right and She makes me so happy that I just want to be around Her all the time, it's very hard to not be around Her, I've never felt like I've wanted to be with anyone this badly before.
The strangest part of this all is how quickly it happened and the fact of how much I like Her in such a short time. :D

I know this is the spot I normally put a quote for you but I'm smiling too much... Maybe I'll add one later. lol :D

While sitting in a bookstore you'll find an elephant in the corner.

I don't get out that often in part due to the fact that I have to ration my gas of my car and the other part due to that it's far too hot and muggy lately.
Now the house I'm at doesn't have air conditioning like the old place did, I have a fan but it's hard to put it at a good decent distance from myself so it cools me and doesn't dry my eyes out.
I find it hard to do any writing of my novel, I tend to get distracted, I don't much like tv either which makes it that much stranger if I'm watching some rerun of any show.
It's either that or it's getting caught up on the web, I can zip through my accounts not problem, the main problem is that a bedroom is a dangerous place to write a novel because my bed is there calling me to dream land.
I've been so stinking tired, even when I drink an energy drink I seem to be able to drift off easy enough but then it doesn't help that I've been staying up till all hours lately.
I have an opportunity to have a girlfriend and that would be a wonderful but it would be long distance and I know more than anyone how hard that is.
On one hand it would afford me not to have to spend money on "dates" like movie and dinner, that would be convenient because I don't have the money at the moment for things like that.
Then on the other hand I don't think it would be fair to Her because I couldn't come visit her either.
It's not like she's too far away, She's only a few hours away so I'm torn with the whole thing and right now it's just being friends while I figure out if I want to pursue anything.
Generally I would jump on the opportunity to have a girlfriend just because it's been over 5 years since I've had a relationship.
This doesn't mean I'm desperate by any means because I'm not one of those people who feel they're worth something only when they're with someone.
I've been contemplating if women even like me at all because any time I ask anyone out I get shot down, it's much like a game of duck hunt.
What those women don't realize is that when I'm in a relationship I put myself in it, I'm loyal, romantic and I don't mind talking and opening up or going to see "chick flicks".
Women always whine about wanting a guy like me and yet they pass me over so quickly that I find it a bit Ironically funny.
"Why are all the best guys either taken or gay?" This is something else I hear a lot too but that is a false assumption due to the fact that they pass us up and they won't look twice at us unless we have a woman on our arm and taken.
I swear women don't notice unless that happens because once they find out someone is taken they start to ponder what qualities that man has to get another woman to be with Him.
It's enough to make me want to buy a wedding ring and see the women start being attracted, you might say that's wrong to do but I ask you, what's worse? Me putting on a fake wedding ring or the the women that ignore me unless I have a ring on?
It all doesn't matter which is worse because their both wrong and it's all comparative anyways, I don't think anything is better or worse than anything else, if we were to treat everything at the same horror then I think we could stop Judging one another.
Is molestation worse than murder or bestiality? I say no they're all wrong and all despicable so it shouldn't matter.
Now I got off on a rant there for a second but going back to what I was saying, I want to make it clear that I DON'T wear a fake ring or anything of the sort, just tempted to try it as a test.
Right now my life is less than Ideal to say the least but I realize that it could be far worse in a lot of other ways.
I just don't like feeling like a burden like I do, there's not really any Jobs available and the risk of starting a new business is dangerous in this economy with everything that's going on.
It's a rock and a hard place thing, do I go to school only to come back with no jobs available like I've seen so many times or do I go to a crappy job that will get me nowhere, start a business only to fail or not try at all and never see if I would succeed.
These are frustrations that I go through not to mention that I want to be a great writer like my ancestor Charles Dickens...
It's in my blood and I can't deny it but my creative side often outweighs my ability to push on to finish my writings, Sometimes I feel like if I had someone to challenge and push me I would have the drive to do anything.
It goes with the same way with anything I do in life though which makes it quite the paradox, I know it doesn't work this way but this is how it plays out in my head....

I'm not doing anything with my life because I don't have anyone to drive me wanting to do anything, if I had someone I would be more inclined to want to do more, I can't have someone because I'm not doing anything with my life and no one wants someone who isn't getting things done.

I find myself not being able to do either because one relies on the other, I don't make money because I don't have anyone for me to drive to earn it on and I can't have someone unless I have money to earn to go out...

I know what I need to do, I know I need to find the drive to earn money so I can find someone to spend it on but I can't quite find a reason to push myself to that extent because of reasons I have said in other entries with jobs and college.

Half the Jobs I can't do because it takes 4 year degrees which leaves menial jobs half of which I can't do which leaves sparse jobs.

I can't do food service because I can't push food out fast enough in a lunch rush and I'm not that great of a cook unless it's for myself and food service won't let you only be on register.

Retail I can't do because I worked it for 2 years and I hated how they push credit cards on the people, you don't get hours unless you have people sign up for their cards and I'm not one for forcing people into debt, I just won't do that to people.
Also I have a bad habit of being short with moron customers after a few hours and not one to hold my tongue if someone writes a check which often times gets me in trouble.
I mean honestly who writes checks in stores?? I understand writing checks for paying your bills but not for a store!

I can do office work but it's been so long since I've done that, that I'm not sure I could get a job in an office.

I can do janitorial but that just feels demeaning and lets face it, what woman would admit Her boyfriend is a janitor?

Warehouse work isn't bad but I'm a bit out of shape so it makes it hard to do what's required of me if I did.

I think about these things and it seems depressing that no matter what I do it's not going to matter much when everyone else is so far ahead in the race?

I'll leave you with these quotes...

"In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was."

"I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." ~Danny McGoorty

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” - William James

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino