I did something crazy and I moved across country ! Risk is worth it

So 8 months ago I sold everything I could and just packed up the rest which included 6 bags of clothes, a box of dvds and bluray player, tons of books, and other things and just drove across the country on an adventure.
A lot of people thought I was crazy to do it, I had no prospects job wise and really no real security of anywhere to go but I felt I had to, I felt stuck where I was and as much as I loved Madison WI with all my friends and family I had to go.
I had a lot of fun driving through states, except you Wyoming, you sucked with your 3 radio stations and snow storm that set me back...
I saw the badlands which was amazing and met some people along the way, when I got to Washington state I found myself homeless in the Tri-cities which were pretty much a slum in the desert so not fun at all.
I was down to a little money left when my parents called me about a family friend whom said I could come stay with them for a little bit and maybe find me a job.
I left for Tacoma which was 2 hours away and stayed with them for a while and started working at the same company the family friend worked at and then they kicked me out so I was homeless again for a while as I worked.
I found a place in Olympia, WA and I love it here, I eventually transferred to a closer city to work and loved the job until I quit to go work for Xerox which I know now I should have just stayed where I was at.
all in all I've learned that even though taking chances is a scary thing risk is worth taking sometimes because without it, there's no reward, you really have to take a chance to find out and have as much faith that everything will work out in the end.
Right now I laugh because everyone thought I was crazy for just up and moving across the country but I had the best winter ever since there's been little snow while my Midwest friends and family got dumped on with a huge snowfall.
I love my life right now, it's not perfect but I'm much happier than I was and am confident I did the right thing and what needed to be done for my own sake.
There will be people who will look at your actions and scoff or call you crazy for it but you shouldn't do it for them, you do it for yourself and only yourself.
You may fall, fail but in the end it is much more satisfying to fail on your own terms than live under others terms.
Always remember that.

Strange happenings

So it's nearly a year later and a lot has changed...
First, Steph and I are no longer together which left my heart in pieces because after being together for a year she up and leaves me for her ex telling me that she didn't think she ever loved me and a year meant nothing and that she was sorry... :|

We tried to be friends but I couldn't handle it, there's no way you can still be friends after being together for a year and loving someone that much, everyone told me to drop it like my heart wasn't crushed, like I didn't feel completely small and foolish.

it was hard and sometimes still is, even though I know now that she was completely wrong for me and that I could never trust her after what she did a part of me still loves her and I hate myself for it.

Brighter times are here though because I have a job now but due to circumstances I had to stop school but I'm still going to try to follow my dreams with my animation company.

I also have a new Girlfriend who is much more suited to who I am, she gets my Jokes, she gets my References, shes actually close by and most importantly she loves God.

We get along and we're a lot a like, there was somethings that I was concerned about but when I'm with her all that fear and doubt just seem to melt away and I'm not scared anymore.

I have a great feeling about her an I and I don't know how I know but I know she's the one, it's one of those things I feel in my gut but then again who knows, I guess that's up to God I guess.

what's odd is going from Steph who was 12 years younger than I was to someone who is 5 years older than I am, but as I said, Kat is a much better fit for me than Steph ever was.

I honestly think Kat is perfect for me and our relationship came out of the blue, sometimes I start thinking about things and I start to worry because after being together for a year with Steph she just up and left me and I don't think I could handle that again.

Devastation of the heart is the worst and as hard as I've been trying Steph is still lurking in the back of my mind and what's worse is that she's marrying her ex and on top of it the guy didn't even care that he split Steph and I up, that was the reason he started talking to her again.

I don't want to be paranoid and I don't want to over think things with Kat but it's a hard thing to break as you wonder what would stop anyone from leaving again.

I think that's something both Kat and I have trouble with, over thinking things, I'm leading our relationship and she's trying to come along for the ride. lol

It's strange because everything I've ever looked for in a woman, she is, I think she's beautiful both inside and out but as usual it's hard to hear, I think most women have trouble with compliments because I seem to come in contact with women who don't seem to believe me when I tell them.

I'm hoping things will work out with Kat and I'm already feeling our chemistry but then maybe I'm just the type of person to fall for someone quickly because I have a big heart and a lot of love to give.

Everything feels right with her, I feel like I can be myself around her and that makes me happy and I think that if I can be happy with her then I don't have to worry so much about anything else because everything will just fall into place.

I guess we'll see as time goes on but for now I'm very happy in my new relationship and that's all that matters to me.

The rumors about the man from Nantucket are greatly exagerated.

So I've been going to school for a passion of mine and loving it a lot but I think the fact that all the books are going digital and the School is giving us Ipad 2's is AWESOME!
So besides that my Birthday is coming up and I'll be 31, it's strange how you can be 18 one moment and the next you're in your 30's.
Speaking of being 18, Steph and I have this strange thing going on, mainly it's my fault, I wind up blowing things out of proportion, I try not to get paranoid about that kinda thing but I've been better lately, I mean I keep having this feeling that if we argue she'll break up with me.
We've been together for 11 mo. now I believe which is crazy to me, nearly a year and I don't think I've ever had a relationship that long that I can recall and only about 3 I took seriously, not that I dated much to begin with.
I'm still looking for a job, I hate having to rely on my dad for money but I'm thankful He's been helping me out, I don't think people realize how much I don't like living at home or having to get money from my parents, People seem to have this idea that somehow I'm one of these people who wants to live with his parents the rest of his life when it's the further from the truth.
I also hear people can't take me seriously because my standing at the moment which is bogus, why is it that people seem to have this notion that if you're rich you have more clout than some guy who happens to be living on the street?
Correct me if I'm wrong But Obi Wan was a hermit wasn't he? Apart from him being completely fictional think about it, what makes my opinion any less valid than Bill Gates? Correct me if I'm wrong but Howard Hues was one of the richest men in the world in his time and the guy was completely nuts...Granted it was because of chlamydia but still the point is that people take you more seriously when you have money... Any money and you don't even have to be rich.
There's another perception people have of me, they seem to call me immature... :|
Believe it or not, I do have a serious and thought provoking side and yet people seem to look this over, I say something thought provoking and people are shocked.
Yes, I like Animation, yes I love to do voices and I can be like a kid some times but that doesn't mean I'm immature.
People have no idea how much I have to calm myself down from being hyper because people can't handle it, they can't handle my energy but even though I bring it down so others don't feel uncomfortable around me they don't know what a toll it takes on me.
If you had to hide who you are how would you feel? Accepted? Happy? Not likely at all and it's not fun either, it gets hard to maintain sometimes, I've been very reserved at school, very quiet, there's already a joker in my class so I take a back seat.
I've tried my hardest to not be so critical of things but I slip sometimes, people only want to hear what you have to say when they agree with it otherwise all hell breaks loose and people scream bloody murder for it.
God forbid you have a different opinion right?
I try to concentrate at school, sometimes I stay late...A lot and some times I get lost in my classes because they go fast, I like that the staff is there to help if you need it.
My life is falling into place and yet it's a mess at the same time, I don't know how that works, I love God very much, I know I screw up and right now I'm not exactly doing something some people like or want me to do, maybe I'm a hypocrite with it but I want people to not say anything and let me make my own mistakes.
I get enough guff and I'm working though something right now but people keep bugging me about it and I want something for me right now, I never asked for much but God brought me what I asked for even if I am going about it the wrong way, I'm still holding out hope in things, there must be a reason for it or it wouldn't have happened from my view.
I pray for my Girlfriend, I want her to encounter God but she has to do that on her own, I can't force her to believe and maybe I'm just here to plant seeds but People take up issue with me when it's me dating her and no one else; not really anyone else' business either.
I feel like this guy no one even knows, they know me, know of me and hear stories of what I am doing and yet they have no idea who I am or why I am the way I am.
I am the man from Nantucket [sort of]
That wasn't even my goal for this blog and yet as I write I am figuring out that I really am like the man from Nantucket.
I consider myself to be like David which is Ironic because it's my middle name of all things...
I am Chasing after God and even though I screw up badly sometimes God still finds favor with me, I looked out on the roof [Still am] and seeing something I'm not supposed to.
God has a weird way of using the broken and the losers who can't really do anything right, this is because it shows people God really is there and makes a world of difference, it gives us hope that if God can use people like that than imagine what He can do with people who aren't?

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."

—Will Rogers

There's a 700LBS. Gorilla living in the room and the only way I found I can get rid of him is just bananas!

So now it's 7 Mos. with Steph last Saturday, we got together and had a wonderful time together...Although my Mother was not pleased that I stayed the night with Steph at all which makes Steph feel like my mom hates Her which isn't the case but still.
 The only thing that really was a bummer was when both of us came down from the room the next morning and it was raining which pretty much ruined my plans to take Steph to the Gardens so we went to the movie beastly.
I had thought She might enjoy it but even the movie was kinda ruined when the sound kept going in and out half the movie, I forgot Paul was playing but I don't think she would have enjoyed that much either.
 Beastly is one of those movies that you can kinda wait for, it was a nice retelling and there were parts here and there that made me laugh but over all it wasn't as compelling as I would have hoped it would have been.
I'm not quite sure how to deal with everything, I mean I'm in this relationship and it's unusual and then there's school which I have so much going on I forget some of my assignments, It's not completely my fault though as I wouldn't have a problem with one thing or another if I only had one subject to deal with at a time.
 Like if I was purely modeling or photo-shopping or anything like that but when they tell you to build a full scale of a train with little parts and then write a mock up of a company with a power point presentation, write a essay, draw a woman posing and paint a portrait along with designing a video game character THEN paint it's portrait along with a fake game ad that you also design...
 That's the week and I don't have the computer for it so it's late night in the lab like tonight on which my parents call me and tell me what time it is...
 I look at my life and I can't help but feel as though I'm lagging behind everyone else my age, I know everyone has their own timing to live their lives and I also know a lot of people are living with their parents these days because of things...
 It's still very hard and there's a lot of fear of failing since it seems to know me so well but at the same time I have to keep a constant reminder that it's only failing if you don't get up after you fall.
 I got an interview with Phil Vischer who is the creator of Veggie tales and 321 Penguins, I tell you it really does give me hope to know that if Phil can start with 5 people out of His house in a bedroom then there's hope for me yet.
   I still need to find time to write my novel and I need to still learn guitar somewhere in the middle of all this chaos which seems like a near impossible task at the moment but I need to breath and try to get things done.
I found my cousin who I haven't talked to in a long time, I really missed him a lot and he was like a brother to me, I wanted to cry when he left.
So I wanted to keep all you up to date on what's going on in my life, as crazy as it is but now I have to figure out what my next objective is...

"Fairly early in life, I noticed my brain was weird. By that I mean that I noticed it had a way of looking at normal things from a slightly twisted angle--just twisted enough that it often made me chuckle." - Phil Vischer

My life is crazy right now!

I know I haven't written anything in a long time so I thought I would take some time out to write something quick to all 7 of my followers. lol
so I've been going to school and spending most of my time in the lab, My girlfriend and I have had a bumpy 6 month relationship and she sometimes doesn't know what she really wants except maybe for me.
We talk and half the time she doesn't know what to say and I have to admit I run out of things too but that tends to happen when you do most the talking...
There's only so many times you can ask "So what's up?" or "What do you have going on tomorrow?" you tend to loose steam from it.
then both of us wind up tired because it's late but she doesn't want to let me go because she still wants to talk despite not having anything left to talk about.
I love Her and we've been together for 6 months now but it's getting frustrating with being stressed out from school and no job.
I worked for Netflix for a while but they laid everyone off which left me unhappy to say the least, they were by far the best employer I've ever had and they lay nearly everyone off...
So now I'm trying to survive the best I can but it's hard because it puts stress on everyone including myself and it doesn't stop there either.
People seem to have this wrong impression of me, that because I'm living with my parents (Not something I want) that my opinions are invalid or that I'm immature.
I pay what I can when I can and they forget I was out on my own, I didn't always live with my parents...
I can't seem to catch a break at all which is why I'm going to school, I'm hoping that when I'm done I not only will have a stable job but eventually start my own animation company.
I would talk about what happened at the capitol but I stayed clear from that circus and I don't want to start a riot from my opinion.
For the most part I'm doing ok, Other than missing my girlfriend and being stressed out from school everything is going ok... Crazy but ok.

Out of nowhere I got Hit in the face by cupid's Boxing glove!

So I'm standing there and out of nowhere I got sucker punched!!!!
It's strange because I've wanted a relationship and frankly it came as a surprise that someone so much younger than I am has connected with me more than anyone else I've known.
We talked and video chatted and She amazes me in every way!
I miss her right now and I talked to her not but a few hours ago, We have a lot in common and she likes me for who I am even in all my dorkiness!!!
I'm breaking all my rules which is weird for me to do in the least, She's young which normally I keep the girls I date to 25 and older...
She's not a believer which I'm not going to try and convert Her in any way because it's a personal decision She has to make on Her own although it would be even better if she did make that choice on Her own.
I never expected this at all but I find it sad and strange that all the Christian women I asked out all shot me down or plain just don't like me and yet a Non Christian girl accepts me for who I am and absolutely adores me!
That is totally messed up!
I've been asked why I didn't find someone close who's a Christian and my reply is this...
"I tried, I really did and all I got was shot down every single time."
I know this is bad in some ways but I'm so sick of being the nice 'well behaved' guy who gets nowhere with anyone and the guy women don't want to be with so I'm going to stop, relax and have fun for once in my life.
People I know won't like it but I'm an adult and it's not for lack of trying to find a nice Christian girl, I've had more of a connection with Steph than anyone else I've ever met!!!
This feels so right and She makes me so happy that I just want to be around Her all the time, it's very hard to not be around Her, I've never felt like I've wanted to be with anyone this badly before.
The strangest part of this all is how quickly it happened and the fact of how much I like Her in such a short time. :D

I know this is the spot I normally put a quote for you but I'm smiling too much... Maybe I'll add one later. lol :D

While sitting in a bookstore you'll find an elephant in the corner.

I don't get out that often in part due to the fact that I have to ration my gas of my car and the other part due to that it's far too hot and muggy lately.
Now the house I'm at doesn't have air conditioning like the old place did, I have a fan but it's hard to put it at a good decent distance from myself so it cools me and doesn't dry my eyes out.
I find it hard to do any writing of my novel, I tend to get distracted, I don't much like tv either which makes it that much stranger if I'm watching some rerun of any show.
It's either that or it's getting caught up on the web, I can zip through my accounts not problem, the main problem is that a bedroom is a dangerous place to write a novel because my bed is there calling me to dream land.
I've been so stinking tired, even when I drink an energy drink I seem to be able to drift off easy enough but then it doesn't help that I've been staying up till all hours lately.
I have an opportunity to have a girlfriend and that would be a wonderful but it would be long distance and I know more than anyone how hard that is.
On one hand it would afford me not to have to spend money on "dates" like movie and dinner, that would be convenient because I don't have the money at the moment for things like that.
Then on the other hand I don't think it would be fair to Her because I couldn't come visit her either.
It's not like she's too far away, She's only a few hours away so I'm torn with the whole thing and right now it's just being friends while I figure out if I want to pursue anything.
Generally I would jump on the opportunity to have a girlfriend just because it's been over 5 years since I've had a relationship.
This doesn't mean I'm desperate by any means because I'm not one of those people who feel they're worth something only when they're with someone.
I've been contemplating if women even like me at all because any time I ask anyone out I get shot down, it's much like a game of duck hunt.
What those women don't realize is that when I'm in a relationship I put myself in it, I'm loyal, romantic and I don't mind talking and opening up or going to see "chick flicks".
Women always whine about wanting a guy like me and yet they pass me over so quickly that I find it a bit Ironically funny.
"Why are all the best guys either taken or gay?" This is something else I hear a lot too but that is a false assumption due to the fact that they pass us up and they won't look twice at us unless we have a woman on our arm and taken.
I swear women don't notice unless that happens because once they find out someone is taken they start to ponder what qualities that man has to get another woman to be with Him.
It's enough to make me want to buy a wedding ring and see the women start being attracted, you might say that's wrong to do but I ask you, what's worse? Me putting on a fake wedding ring or the the women that ignore me unless I have a ring on?
It all doesn't matter which is worse because their both wrong and it's all comparative anyways, I don't think anything is better or worse than anything else, if we were to treat everything at the same horror then I think we could stop Judging one another.
Is molestation worse than murder or bestiality? I say no they're all wrong and all despicable so it shouldn't matter.
Now I got off on a rant there for a second but going back to what I was saying, I want to make it clear that I DON'T wear a fake ring or anything of the sort, just tempted to try it as a test.
Right now my life is less than Ideal to say the least but I realize that it could be far worse in a lot of other ways.
I just don't like feeling like a burden like I do, there's not really any Jobs available and the risk of starting a new business is dangerous in this economy with everything that's going on.
It's a rock and a hard place thing, do I go to school only to come back with no jobs available like I've seen so many times or do I go to a crappy job that will get me nowhere, start a business only to fail or not try at all and never see if I would succeed.
These are frustrations that I go through not to mention that I want to be a great writer like my ancestor Charles Dickens...
It's in my blood and I can't deny it but my creative side often outweighs my ability to push on to finish my writings, Sometimes I feel like if I had someone to challenge and push me I would have the drive to do anything.
It goes with the same way with anything I do in life though which makes it quite the paradox, I know it doesn't work this way but this is how it plays out in my head....

I'm not doing anything with my life because I don't have anyone to drive me wanting to do anything, if I had someone I would be more inclined to want to do more, I can't have someone because I'm not doing anything with my life and no one wants someone who isn't getting things done.

I find myself not being able to do either because one relies on the other, I don't make money because I don't have anyone for me to drive to earn it on and I can't have someone unless I have money to earn to go out...

I know what I need to do, I know I need to find the drive to earn money so I can find someone to spend it on but I can't quite find a reason to push myself to that extent because of reasons I have said in other entries with jobs and college.

Half the Jobs I can't do because it takes 4 year degrees which leaves menial jobs half of which I can't do which leaves sparse jobs.

I can't do food service because I can't push food out fast enough in a lunch rush and I'm not that great of a cook unless it's for myself and food service won't let you only be on register.

Retail I can't do because I worked it for 2 years and I hated how they push credit cards on the people, you don't get hours unless you have people sign up for their cards and I'm not one for forcing people into debt, I just won't do that to people.
Also I have a bad habit of being short with moron customers after a few hours and not one to hold my tongue if someone writes a check which often times gets me in trouble.
I mean honestly who writes checks in stores?? I understand writing checks for paying your bills but not for a store!

I can do office work but it's been so long since I've done that, that I'm not sure I could get a job in an office.

I can do janitorial but that just feels demeaning and lets face it, what woman would admit Her boyfriend is a janitor?

Warehouse work isn't bad but I'm a bit out of shape so it makes it hard to do what's required of me if I did.

I think about these things and it seems depressing that no matter what I do it's not going to matter much when everyone else is so far ahead in the race?

I'll leave you with these quotes...

"In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was."

"I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." ~Danny McGoorty

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” - William James

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino

Three Decades and counting...

I'm up, That's kind of a given and frankly I want to Blog a little more often.
It was my Birthday on the 31st of July, I wanted to write something but it didn't happen as you could see.
It's very strange to be as old as I am and I think it throws my Mother off that I still watch cartoons, Because everyone knows adults "don't watch cartoons" despite the fact that Adults MAKE the cartoons.
Why do I have to stop watching cartoons just because I'm an adult?
They don't make them quite like they used to though, all the stuff from today has nothing on the cartoons of the past. though I might be Biased there.
Look, I watch both shows for grown ups and "Kids" Programing.
Cartoons have always been for more adults than kids, there's things that go right over kids heads and appeal to adults.
Look at Pixar. :D
Who doesn't like it when Tom Chases Jerry around with a hammer, Jerry stops and picks up a huge mallet... Tom comes to a complete halt and finds good charity from Jerry when Jerry selflessly offers to switch the huge mallet for the little ballPene hammer.
Tom gladly switches Only to be hit on the foot with the same hammer He just switched. :D
Or how about all the other animated violence of yesteryear?
Frankly there's too many stupid people out there that think that kids aren't responsible for their actions.
I never went around hitting my brother with a shovel, you know why?? because my Parents were responsible enough to teach me right from wrong so I could watch something and know that If I hit someone they can/will get seriously hurt.
I'm not saying to let kids watch violent programing or play violent games, there are ratings there for a reason... BUT on the other hand if a kid plays a violent game or watches something Don't go blaming the things.
The parents should be confident in the fact that they hopefully taught their child, right and wrong, Reality from fantasy.
Parents can't always watch their kids 24/7, so a sleep over might turn into a movie the parent might not let their kids normally watch which is why I said it's important that you've taught your kids to know differences.
Anyway walking past that mini rant.lol
I'm 30 now and that is all too freaky to say the least because last thing I know I was 17 and all of a sudden I'm 30!
I had fun though, we went to the Safe-house in Milwaukee, If you don't know about it google it because it's a lot of fun and good food too.
Right now I feel stressed and torn because I don't feel like I've done much of anything with my life and I'm not happy where I'm at and where I'm going either.
Life isn't really complex at all in my opinion, I think we as humans make Life this big huge complex thing and make it far more complex then it has to be.
That's a lot to say coming from a person who isn't sure what to do next but then I don't think we're supposed to fully know because if we all knew what was going to happen next it would effect our judgement along with our free will.
Everyone acts according to their experiences and according to what they know, the pieces of the puzzle they've fit together so far.
The problem is that some people are only as far as the blue sky pieces so they can't quite fit where the other pieces go yet.
Have you ever heard the story of the blind men and the Elephant??

It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.

The First approach'd the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, -"Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out his eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he,
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Then, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

In the end we all have our journey's ahead of us and I'm only a part way there, I think the main thing is this.
Those blind men only happened to stay where they were and never moved at all so they never felt any other part of the Elephant which is why they argued so much instead of feeling the whole beast.
I don't know what's next for me or what I'm going to be doing next, all I can hope is my Novel gets finished and hope for the best from this year and the next few years.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but it's hard not to when everyone else seems to have careers,families,homes and kids by my age which is what's making my life both more complex and more frustrating than it really should be.

Let me leave you with these quotes...

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. ~Frank Tyger

“You're dead if you aim only for kids. Adults are only kids grown up, anyway.” ~Walt Disney

Are all the work done by children?! Not the whipping...

Don't be alarmed... that Phrase as off putting as it is was a quote from the show Futurama.
I love the show, it's very funny, smart and frankly the best Animated show on Tv to date if not dare I say ever!
In context the quote is funny because it puts the reality of the 3rd world in front of people's faces and in a interesting way.
I think you can do anything in comedy to get a little chuckle out of people but then they think about it, it's face to face with people.
As a matter of fact I was talking with someone on the 28th about how there are Children in other countries who pretty much live on a dump, sorting through filth and garbage for little money, not going to school because they need to help their family.
I have gone to Jamaica twice and both times we went to orphanages, that was very hard because those kids were so love deprived it made it hard not to want to take one home with you...Truly Heart breaking.
In this economy it's hard to do anything other than worry about what will happen to your own family let alone another person in your own town, state, country or even half way around the world.
We're supposed to be socially aware and it's good that people go to other countries to help where needed.
Now that I said that let me say this...

We are a broken country, it's left vs. right and we are all broke in this economy with 10% of people unemployed at the moment.
we have people loosing their homes, barely making ends meet to feed their families.
That's here and it's sad that in a country like ours we should have to see anyone wind up in that situation.
Look, I'm all for Helping our fellow man, in fact when I have money I buy someone a meal that is hard up.
If you donate to charities let me say that's great but also maybe think about finding one that can help here in the states because how can we help others when there are still problems in this country?
Yes I realize that we have programs here that help or are supposed to but often time there's so much red tape it's redonkulous!
If you know a family in need maybe you can help them out, help out in a food pantry, Shelter or things like that.
I've heard of people taking their kids on Christmas to show them how fortunate they are and show them how to give a real gift and what the season really means.
Maybe you think I'm a jerk because I'm saying we need to put our own before any other country but we need to look out for our own because no matter what your stand is we are all American first and foremost which makes us all brothers and sisters.

I usually get a lot of guff for what I'm going to say next but I'm saying it anyway because it needs to be said.
We have helped how many countries out over the years and how many help us when we need it? China bails us out but now we're working for them.
Is it any wonder our economy collapsed when all our stuff is from other countries and we don't do nearly as much exporting?!
On top of that the Banks gave out freaking loans to people who they knew can never pay it back.
There's too much to put down about why our economy is screwed up as it is but I won't go into that now.

I'll leave you with these quotes...


I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. ~Mother Teresa


Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one. ~Nicholas Berdyaev

Stop the world I want to get off!

If you have been wondering why I haven't been writing it's because I've been Preoccupied with what's been going on in my life.
I don't like where I am in life, I look around and I see what's going on with everyone else and I feel as though I should be farther along with my life.
I'll be turning 30 at the end of the month and I have nothing to show for it, my Younger brother just got married not long ago, it's like that with a lot of people I know, My brother has built a place for Himself as a manager where He's worked for 11 years.
Granted I know He wants more but at least He's got something stable to hold onto which is more than I can say for myself.
I'm unemployed like 10% of Americans but even before that I had a hard time finding or holding a job although it's nice to blame a downed economy so I don't feel like such a failure.
Living with your parents is not the most Ideal place to be even though I understand more people my age are living with parents.
Well the unemployed thing isn't totally true I guess, I mean I work as a media Manager for a friend of mine but my pay is based on a project we're doing and that's on hold for now so I won't have income until the project is done.
I feel bad because all I can do is Help out, I don't have any money to give my parents and most often I'm asking for it, mainly for eating if I do go out which lately hasn't been much.
I've cut down on the places I go so it's a bit easier but it's still hard on everyone across the board.
Sometimes I just want to pick up and go somewhere but then I think about it and have no clue where I would go.
I have friends in different places but then I would want to move somewhere warm but I don't know people in warm places...
What sucks the most is the fact I have no dating life, I know I need a job before I can date because I'm responsible like that but even if I did find someone to go out with it's not very Ideal that they would want to go back to dear ol' mom and dad's place.
Not that I don't love my parents but let's face it, I'm not a teenager anymore even though I didn't really date in my teen years either but that's another story all together.
I feel even more torn by the fact that I kind of want to go back to school but I have seen too many bad things with going back to school to doubt if it's even worth it to go.
I've seen people, get student loans and then head for 4 years of college or trade school, they get done only to find that either...

1. They have to go back to the same crap work they were trying to get away from.
2. They have nothing to come back to only to have to keep paying back student loans that they will never be able to pay back.

Right now it seems like I would have nothing to loose, I mean after all I'm already unemployed right?
Well see the thing is that I went for 2 years to a trade school and came back to nothing and I don't want to waste my time to come back to nothing again.

Another problem is that I have too many things I want to do if I did go back to school.

I want to be a better writer.
I want to go into art.
I want to go into animation.
I want to go into Film.
I want to go into Audio recording.

all these things would coincide with one another but would take years upon years to do, Right now I'm 30, even if I did do only 2 years each and passed, did well, I would be 40 by the time I got everything done and with no real promise of ever getting a Job.

My problem is that I am so scattered right now, I'm trying to write my novel and get it done but I'm so stressed out because I need money now and I keep getting side tracked and it's driving me nuts.

I know God has everything under control but I feel like I don't know what I should be doing right now, I want to pay my parents for staying here but it's so freaking hard to find something I won't fail at.
that's another story though...

People my age already have careers, wifes, houses and children of their own by now, all set and it drives me nuts that people younger than I am already are farther along in life than I am.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth getting out of bed anymore.

I'll leave you with this Quote...

"No amount of sizzle will make a bad steak good." - Anonymous
“School's a weird thing. I'm not sure it works.” - Johnny Depp

Happy Birthday America!!

Well not really, I mean the 4th wasn't really when we were founded but it is when the day was picked.
It's amazing how fast time goes by and it's another year of fire works but fireworks weren't really a big deal for me.
Yes they're pretty and I saw a big mess of them at warner park on the 3rd for Rhythm and booms, if you're not familiar let me enlighten you, then again you could just look it up too. lol
It's the biggest fireworks display in the mid-west no doubt, put to music, frankly it was ok but then like I said I'm not big on fireworks.
My Dog is cowering at my feet as I type because shes a scaredy Dog and she doesn't like the booms. lol
I went down and hung out with friends and that and watched fireworks but then I got lost on my way back to our seating because I had walked over to a gas station across the street to go buy water because they were freaking charging $3.00 for it!
Mama didn't raise no fool so I bought mine a $1.00 earlier in the day but then when I went back to buy more they closed early and that's when I lost my group, had to call a friend to find them again.
After words I sat in traffic for an hour trying to get home... fun. o.0
So today I went to church, after which I came home and took a nice nap, it's weird to hear yourself say that when you get older.
I woke up refreshed and headed to another 4th of July party but left before the Fireworks because it looked like it was going to storm.
This Holiday weekend was good, good food and friends... I hope all of yours went well also.
I suppose this is the point I could pop in with something about God and our forefathers but I've done that in the past and I'm kinda tired so I'll just leave it at have a happy fourth everyone. :)

The hardest thing anyone could ever do.

It's already June and I've been preoccupied with relatively unimportant things but I'm hoping to change some habits I have when I move which isn't too far away.
One of those habits is speaking my mind, Now It's only my opinion but by far the hardest thing anyone can do is holding their tongue and not speaking their mind.
I've been pretty good about it and learning to not saying anything but I still have a long way to go with that and it has a way of sneaking up on me from time to time.
The worst place I have trouble in is online, this is not a medium for arguing with anyone mainly due to what I call Verbal delay.
When you talk it is mainly a reactionary thing where you can talk back and forth with fluid motion with no guessing needed on intent of How the words are both presented and tone of voice.
When I'm in a one on one conversation I can respond to something with immediacy and expand on it as needed so there is no mistake with intent.
However the same cannot be done online due to the following reasons...

1. Short space.

There are two parts to this.
A.} Often times you only get so many words to convey your statement and often times you cannot fully explain your intent so you have to compact often resulting in people thinking you're not thorough enough or misinterpreting your message leading to people thrashing your opinion.

B.} In the case of where you do get plenty of room and can fully write your full thoughts out you are forced to shorten your thoughts into the best way possible due to the fact that no one wants to read long expounding essay's.
Often times instead of reading your full thoughts people skim the words and/or subconsciously skip a word that is vital in conveying the point.
For instance... If you write "Lindsy is not a whore." people skip over the word 'not' and the words turn into "Lindsy is a whore."
I don't know why this is but it does happen very strangely and I am confident that it is subconscious and not intentional.

2.There is a delayed reaction.
Because there isn't an auditory response of physically Hearing you often times get caught with having to wait for a response from the person or if it's an open forum of any number of people waiting to type their opinions.
It takes a while to type a response to these people and so a normal conversation that would not take long can go on forever getting nowhere in the least because another thing that happens is that people who haven't seen the whole conversation tend to repeat things that have already been talked about variably starting a lot over because no one wants to go through Days weeks, months if not years of chat logs depending on how long the topic was posted and how heated it got.
Not to mention pages upon pages of logs.

Inevitably posting anything online causes a never ending up hill battle that no one wins because no one gets their point across without a huge backlash from one side or the other ultimately becoming useless in all aspects.

So even in knowing this I still have the habit of speaking my mind which logically and literally is insane because I keep hoping for a different outcome other than a never ending battle which never happens.
I've been seriously trying to stop online debate knowing that it will never go anywhere and just let it go because if I don't stop it at the start It'll be very hard to stop myself from stopping.
I've gotten much better in the real world and holding my tongue and being better at lowering my level and even letting things go, now all I have to do is just keep reminding myself not to start in the first place.
I just have to let others be wrong and have me not say anything which is really hard for me to do, when someone says something incorrect I feel a very strong urge inside pushing me to correct others.
A big part of this has to do with the Asperger's in me and I'm not using it as an excuse by any means but more of the fact that it Helps me understand myself Better and have a better understanding of what I need to correct in my own life and how to go about doing that.

People often times don't understand why I am the way I am or why I'm loud, speak my mind so flat out boldly, see things in black and white and why I sometimes get so obsessed with things.
I think my obsession more times comes out in the form of wanting to correct people with misinformation and in doing so I won't let go most times until it's corrected.

Recently an old friend of mind posted something on His Facebook page to which I was not the only one to jump in and correct Him in His mis-beliefs on a subject.
For some reason a friend of His {Not mine} proceeded to suggest that the only mission in my life was to only prove my friend wrong as if I stayed nestled by His page waiting to strike and lash out like I had nothing better to do with my life.
They also said a few other things to me which I won't get into and so in defense to correct this misinformation I Private messaged them because I wouldn't want to get into anything on a public forum since it can get very crowded quickly.
I do this with everyone and anyone who talks to me because it's only proper to at least give defense to an attack.
In doing this my friend got upset simply because I messaged His friend whom I didn't know despite the fact that their friend openly attacked me and I was at least nice enough to private message that person rather than getting into it on a public forum.
Long story short they unfriended me which is their right to do so but they did not see my right to defend myself against a threat.
I do wonder, should I just let people carry on with false information and passing it on to others or do I take the risk of correcting that despite being right and backed and vindicated by others will turn into a never ending battle?
I don't have that kind of time to waste on ignorant people and yet the drive inside me doesn't want those people to keep being ignorant either.
It's a Paradox...
I think from not on I'll be trying my darnedest to stick to verbal correction and leave online ones out.
God holds us accountable to that if we do not at least try to correct misinformation and God will hold false teachers accountable for all those who they led astray with their misinformation.
I swear in my near 30 years of life this is my greatest challenge yet of personal growth and I'm sure there are more to come.

Let no man say I wasn't fair

I keep getting behind on my blogging and it's getting a bit frustrating because I know I should do it but get caught up in other things so I know I need to spend less time on my Facebook account and more writing Here and finishing my novel.
Now onto my Title>
It's no secret how I feel about Obama, I dislike what He's doing and I'm not shy about saying my opinion either, I don't wish death on Him, I just wish He would get out of office.
Now over that I must say lately I have seen a few things here and there that caught my attention that were good.
Like the fact that He opened a new Nuclear Power plant and opted to go for our own drilling while we wait for clean energy to kick in a bit better.
Now I'm not oblivious to the British Petroleum situation and I'm not blind to what a tragedy that was and how we're going to be cleaning it up for quite some time.
Now saying that I must say that it was still a good call because we need it, I know most would question why I would say continuing to drill for oil after such a tragic thing happening is good and I can only tell you one thing.
Other countries are continuing to drill.
Do you think that we're the only one's who do off shore drilling?
We need to think about the cost of gas, Yes life is important too but think about the fact of how the economy would be boosted if gas was only $1.00 or less!
With gas prices down business owners would have to pay less for shipments and in return product prices would go down, we could go places and tourism would be up around the country.
What a positive effect low gas prices have don't they! :D
Now on the other hand besides off shore there are plenty of places that are land locked that have oil, as a matter of fact there is so deep of a reserve our grandchildren would have low gas prices through their lifetime also!
Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for taking care of the earth and being good care takers, after all if we poison our own water supply what good would that be?
I'm all for new power and energy sources but at the same time I don't think we need to fret either about the scam of "global warming".
I'm kind of in the middle between making sure we are responsible and not being so uptight that we don't progress to make life better for people.
Getting back to what I was saying before I got side tracked, I may not agree with nearly anything He's done but I must say that With at least those two things He's been bumped up from a flat out F to a D- as far as grades go.
Don't get me wrong, He's still got a long way to go before I up His grade again for a while but still I'm giving Him a fair shake on that.
Now all He has to do is support Arizona and follow their example for Illegal immigration , cut back spending which includes NOT bailing out Greece and other countries!, Repeal the Social healthcare bill and the list goes on.
Let no man say I wasn't fair in my views because this should be proof enough that I do give credit where credit is due when it's earned.

Let me leave you with these quotes...

These men ask for just the same thing, fairness, and fairness only. This, so far as in my power, they, and all others, shall have.
Abraham Lincoln

Fairness is not an attitude. It's a professional skill that must be developed and exercised. -Brit Hume

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The National day of Prayer: Becoming an outlaw for God.

I'm going to do something different than what's on the list and I've been so busy with my other Projects that I haven't gotten to anything on my list of Topics.
I did get to thinking though, Today is the National day of Prayer and a governmental Judge said that it's "Unconstitutional" to pray.
What kind of world are we living in that it's against the law to pray where we want to in public?
It's our right to pray, despite popular belief this country was founded on Christian principals as seen in their writings, our founding Fathers meant for us to have freedom to choose a religion and to Keep the government out of the churches business in dictating what people can and can't believe or telling the people what Churches they can or can't belong to.
It was not to keep Religious Principals out of Government, It is the Ethics of the people that keep the Government in line and keep our freedoms in tact.
This was because of the Fact that there was Religious oppression coming from England and the founding Fathers were trying to escape that Oppression.
Now there are people in government who are stripping our rights to worship in our way, all we wanted was to recognize our heritage on a national level, we weren't trying to force people to pray or forcing people of other beliefs to convert.
We would like to see that happen on people's own accord but what's strangely sad is it seems that while Christian rights are being stripped other religious rights are being presented, what do you think would happen if the government said that Muslims couldn't pray?
May the 6th we move forward and we are praying anyway with or without the government's permission and there is an outcry by anti-Christian groups because we're still praying despite them not recognizing it as a national thing.
WE the people will bring this to the forefront and recognize the National day of prayer as our right.
They can't stop people from praying, The can't tell us what we can Believe, It is our rights as Americans and most of all it is our Human right.
If it is Illegal to Pray then I will be an outlaw, I am not accountable to Men...I am accountable to God.
If you are a believer please keep praying for our Government because those in office need guidance.
If you do not believe that is your right but please respect our right to pray, we're not forcing you to pray and that is not the goal of the National Day of Prayer, the goal is to gather those who do believe to pray peacefully for our nation, our leaders and most importantly the world.
Yes we can pray any time of the year but it seems so scattered that if we have one day to band together it brings us together as a Church whole, no matter what Denomination.
We are the Body of Christ and we must keep our spiritual freedoms in tact because if we don't it won't be too much longer until Prayer really will be Illegal.

Let me leave you with this quote from the movie Kingdom of Heaven>>
"A King may move a man, a father may claim a son. That man can also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game. Remember that howsoever you are played, or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone. Even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power. When you stand before God, you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convenient at the time." This will not suffice. Remember that."

Upcoming Topics

It's been a hard thing to choose a next topic to talk about so I'm going to make a short list off the top of my head and go from there.

The Differences between Killing and Murder.
The Evils of Socialism and the Deceiving of America
Abortion.
Decisions and how they affect and Shape us and our world view.
Having the Heart of David: Chasing after God.
Drinking Deeply in thought and Spirit.
The Watered down Mentality.
Changing vantage points of us and how we view the Bible.
Forming the Well.
Standing on the Precipitous.
We are Trees: Taking root in your Faith.
Faith and Logic.
Sailing in your Worship.
Judging, Rebuking and God's laws.
Letting your Dreams die.
Sound of silence:Death of noise pollution.
Getting off the bottle: Growing your teeth for the Meat of the Bible.
Gaining Wisdom.
Walking away: Starving your Ego.
Owning up: Taking responsibility for our actions.
No Regrets: Not living in guilt from the past.
Christian: Christ in us being a "little Christ"
Body of the Church: God's dwelling place.
God's investment in us.

These are just a few things I've wanted to talk about because there's a lot of Misconceptions about things or just flat out lies people have accepted in their thinking.
I don't think people truly think about these things or see them at skewed angle so they don't fully see things for what they are thereby missing a lot.

Living Fearlessly

Fear, Just about everyone is afraid of something, there's whole books dedicated to phobias and what people fear.
Fear holds even the very best of us back, you will never get anywhere or do anything if you fear what hasn't happened yet, if you fear all the bad things happening nothing good will come either.
I found out a funny little fact that I find interesting to me, a study said that more people had a fear of public speaking than death.
Interesting thing fear is, the idea is that people take something that hasn't happened yet and allowed it to control them.
How odd that something that has yet to happen could control a person's actions.
There are some like myself who really have no fear of things and get past that what if mentality,
Now off the top of my head I honestly can't think of one thing I fear, maybe because I know God is looking out for me and even if something were to happen then there must have been a reason and I won't have to worry about bills any more.{That last part is a joke but you get the jest of it.}
I watched tv once and a show was on where they showed peoples fears of things and this woman had a fear of balloons of all things.
Now as I stated, some have no fear and that can be a good or bad thing as long as you don't take either too far.
What is the difference between the two types of people?
I often wonder to myself why fear is like a tornado and it effects one person while leaving another in tact.
I have been in car accidents before and I was fine, I got back on the road and drove again, making sure I was a bit more careful next time.
However I have seen people who get into a car accident and are so mentally wounded that they can't set foot in a car, Bus or any other transport without freaking out or breaking down.
I've been bitten by dogs and yet I love dogs, others get bitten and they can't even see a picture of a dog without fretting, as if the dog will leap out of the picture to bite them.
Fear doesn't do anything but hold us back serving as a what if reminder and keeping a person in a physiological prison.
Throughout History Man has known fear does nothing for people except damage people and we can either rule our fears or we can let it dictate what we can or can't do.
There are whole groups of people who fear Germs so they don't go out and clean excessively not realizing that they are doing more damage than good.
I don't use hand sanitizer because people who use it all the time wind up with weaker immune systems because the germs get used to it and their systems can't handle things when something does come along.
I do use soap in case you were worried. :)
There have been many great quotes about fear>
Sven Goran wrote “The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”
“FEAR is an acronym in the English language for "False Evidence Appearing Real""-Neale Donald Walsch
“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”-Mary Manin Morrissey
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”- Ambrose Redmoon
and of course one of the most famous by Franklin D. Roosevelt “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”
The list goes on forever including Bible quotes and there is a whole wide range of things out there to be afraid of and there are always things that will happen whether you choose to be afraid or not but I choose to let it not manipulate me.

On the other side there are people who show no fear but do so foolishly thinking that if they push it God will save them from impending doom if He still has things for them to do.
I'm not ragging on thrill seekers by any means, they have equipment or know the equipment is safe before doing things or at the least know what their doing. {Sometimes}
There must be a balance between living and using common sense with caution.
For instance there are people who practice snake handling in churches, these are deadly venomous snakes that can kill you and they think this proves their faith.
why would they think this you ask??
It's because of a scripture Mark 16:18 that says "they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
This has mislead many people to believe the wrong thing resulting in many deaths over the years when this scripture has been taken out of context.
The full scripture says>>
He{Meaning Jesus} said to them,Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
Seeing the full scripture shows that EVEN if we are to be poisoned or bitten by snakes we will not be affected, we aren't to tempt fate by pushing anything to prove our faith.

Having said everything I have I must say this next, some people have a fear of talking to others about God or Jesus or the Bible.
This is what the Bible has to say about fear>>
Psalm 23:4 says "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me."
Ps. 27:1-3 says "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident."
Psalm 56:11 says "In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me."
2 Timothy shows that Fear does NOT come from God and states "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

God doesn't want us to fear anything because if He is for us who can be against us?
It's at this point people usually ask this question.

Q.If He doesn't want us to fear Him why is it called the fear of the lord or fear the lord your God?
A.This is a misunderstanding and merely something that takes a little bit of study to understand.
The real meaning for the fear of the Lord means to respect God enough to Obey His Commandments, I'll explain Further.

For someone who doesn't Believe, the fear of God is the fear of the judgment of God {we must all face in the end}, which means eternal separation from God-Luke 12:5 & Hebrews 10:31.
For the believer however, the fear of God is something much different. The believer's fear is reverence of God. Hebrews 12:28-29 says “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our ’God is a consuming fire.’” This reverence and awe is exactly what the fear of God means for Christians. This is the motivating factor for us to surrender to God.
Proverbs 1:7 declares, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.” Until we understand who God is and develop a reverential fear of Him, we cannot have true wisdom. True wisdom comes only from understanding who God is and that He is holy, just, and righteous. Deuteronomy 10:12, 20-21 states “And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.” The fear of God is the basis for our walking in His ways, serving Him, and, yes, loving Him.
Some redefine the fear of God for believers to “respecting” Him. While respect is definitely included in the concept of fearing God, there is more to it than that. A biblical fear of God, for the believer, includes understanding how much God hates sin and fearing His judgment on sin—even in the life of a believer. Hebrews 12:5-11 describes God’s discipline of the believer. While it is done in love as in Hebrews 12:6, it is still a fearful thing. As children, the fear of discipline from our parents no doubt prevented some of our actions being mistakes. The same should be true in our relationship with God. We should fear His discipline, and therefore seek to live our lives in such a way that pleases Him.
Believers shouldn't be scared of God because We have no reason to be scared of Him.
We have His promise that nothing can separate us from His love -Romans 8:38-39. We have His promise that He will never leave us or forsake us as in Hebrews 13:5. Fearing God means having such a reverence for Him that it has a great impact on the way we live our lives. The fear of God is respecting Him, obeying Him, submitting to His ways so that it saves us pain later, and worshipping Him in awe.

Fear is never a good thing and won't control us unless we let it.
I hope this Helps you understand a little bit better, Let me leave you with two last Quotes.

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold." -Helen Keller

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived." -Spanish proverb

Diamonds and Faith

I wrote this a while back in my Facebook notes but I thought I would put it up on my blog too because I liked it.

Do you know how Diamonds are made?
Diamonds are made only one way, they start out as a ugly lump of coal, then with enough time and pressure the ugliness falls away to show the diamond in the ruff then a jeweler comes along and cuts out all the unsightly bits and when it's done it shines brighter than any other, such is that of Life and Faith.
People ask how God can make good people suffer but I don't see it as suffering so much as being shaped to be a brighter Gem, we pretend to want to change or even want to change things about us that might appear unsightly to the world.
It's something painful which we tend to forget, our lives start out with a lot of sin much like coal then we go through pressures of life and some depending on how big of diamond they will become, it will take a bit longer or more pressure to break through to the diamond inside.
When we go through getting rid of a lot of the sin in our lives there's still all the rough bits that need to be worked out so that's where our Jeweler comes in.
God comes along and starts striping away the rough parts until we're polished and brighter than not only what we were before but can show others what good can come out of what seemed to be bad situations.
Once a diamond is done it's one of the toughest substances in the world and that is what we strive to become and once that happens we can go through anything and affect life rather than us being affected by it.

Let me leave you with this Quote...

“The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear" - Daniel Defoe.

Trying to Kill my flesh

Well I really didn't know what I wanted to post this on so I'll write until I find something.
It's often weird to me, I write and more often than not I wind up writing some lesson about God that I had no intention of writing in the first place but I guess you can't really help but write what's inside you.
In blogs or writing period people's inner self naturally comes through the words on the page and despite meaning this blog to be about my life I somehow always come back around to God.
I realized something not long ago which is something I wished I would have learned a long time ago.
I was told before years ago and through my life that I had a critical spirit and of course with me being as stubborn as I am took offence to it because I didn't like anyone telling me who to be.
The one thing I didn't see was that they weren't telling me who to be, they were trying to help me change the negative things that were doing harm in my life.
It took my own search of Who I am/was to see what I needed to change in myself, I've always had a heart after God, this isn't to say I didn't look at other religions but my search led me straight back to the true God again.
God showed me many things in my life, amazing things that were beyond the physical world.
My journey and search for God's goal for my life has been interesting to say the least but now I have a very good idea of what God has planned for me and I am very excited about it.
Recently I had a debate or argument over point of view with an old and dear friend of mine and it really wasn't until recently that I really realized how useless the flesh side of me was until then.
Despite My knowing and being confirmed by others I realized that no matter what I do or say or how much proof I have I cannot change anyone.
This is beyond my friend, this goes to other places also, online forums and real life as well.
It seems people will always want to believe what they want to believe and there is nothing I can do about it, it has to be God who does it because if it were me there are plenty of people I want to smack and shake them.
I can't live in that old self anymore, there is no room for my flesh and God at the same time.
It is a very hard thing indeed to die to your flesh, in fact I don't think people realize that they're living in the flesh or realize that they can't have both sitting there.
It's like having a small closet packed with clothes and then trying to have a winter jacket in there too, it's not going to work very well.
in the past I have had a critical spirit and I see now that it does me no good, it just brings too much negativity over something I can't control.
I guess I saw that maybe I didn't trust God as much as I thought I did because if I did trust Him I wouldn't have to force anything or get upset if someone doesn't understand what I'm saying, even saying I'm wrong when I know I'm not.
These are things I cannot control, I can't control people and I think once I came to that realization that I should trust God enough to show my words as truth.
In the end there are far too many people to waste my time trying to argue with them when it's out of my control and nothing I do will change them, it has to be God, He can do the work.
That doesn't mean I'll stop talking to people what's right and wrong or what the Bible says, it just means I'll stop trying so hard it frustrates and makes me want to scream.
I will try to stay true to that and try to work hard on getting rid of that critical spirit and if anyone can help me it's God.
Keeping it in check that it won't creep up on me will be hard but I know it's something I need to do in the end because I want a soft pliable heart and moldable to what God wants to use me for.
When that happens I believe I'll be able to talk to people better and God will be able to use me in the way He intended to use me.

The reality of God's forgiveness and Grace

Forgiveness, Everyone likes to be forgiven whether it be from a hurt friend for something that happened or God's forgiveness for our sins.
God has set a standard for everyone to live by which is to not sin and since that is impossible, God sent His Son Jesus to die for our sins as a payment so we could be forgiven for our crimes against God.
We all have sins we deal with but culture seems to have a liberal understanding of this with all sorts of Ideas outside of the Bible what God says is right in wrong.
They make excuses like "I'm a good person" in an attempt to justify their behavior in continuing their life in sin.
Then there's the other type of person who dismiss' God altogether saying that there is no such thing as sin, no right or wrong and that sin is subjective.
These notions are false, much like the Idea that there is more than one way to get to heaven.
Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
People think that by forming their ideas of God in their image that He'll be ok with how they live their lives even if it clearly goes against what God has said.
I've heard some people say "Well My god wouldn't send anyone to hell." but that's just it, their god wouldn't but clearly God said He would.

Matthew 13:42: "And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."

Matt 25:41: "Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels." This passage relates to Jesus' judgment of all the world.

Mark 9:43-48: And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched." The reference to fire is repeated three more times in the passage for emphasis.

Luke 16:24: "And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame." This is a plea described as coming from an inhabitant of Hell.

As a sign in Georgia puts it "Just because you don't believe in Hell don't mean you ain't goin' there."

In making God ok with whatever they want they become idolaters no different than Pagans who worship the earth or other things God created.
People have a tendency to like the title of Christian but they are so in name only, the sad fact is most don't see a reason to go to church so they don't go except observing for holiday services.
Their reasoning behind it is that there are too many Hypocrites or they don't like anyone telling them how to live their lives.
That is very spiritually immature and shows they have no interest in God and His ways or even getting close to God because if they won't listen to those God has put up to help us understand His word better.
This is not to say that all pastors are right in their theology or that there aren't Hypocrites in the church but people fail to realize a few things.

1. Pastors with wrong Theology.
This is why we need to read the Bible making sure that we know when something doesn't line up with scripture and know if someone is correct or not.
Those who are correct show us a point of view that we couldn't see and those who aren't will be exposed by those who know what the Bible states.

2. Hypocrites.
These people are the ones who are Christian in title but do not study God's word so they go out and act like the rest of the world and then go to church asking for forgiveness but never trying to change.
What people SHOULD be asking themselves why they can't be the person to be an example for others.
You might be interested to know that Matthew 7:22-23 states "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"
Also Matthew 7:16 says "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?"
These two Verses show that you will be able to tell who are real christians by plastic ones and that these people who claim to know God, He will tell them that He does not know them and that they are evil.
So as you can see the hypocrites will not go unpunished by God and their deeds will be seen because they're hearts will be open before Him.

There are reasons for Church, the first church started as home groups, breaking bread with each other and what some fail to see is that we are there to help strengthen each other in faith.
The people are the church not some building but the Idea of church no matter how big or small is based on the people being with each other.
It's easy to get lost in a big church but this is where you must pray for what church God wants you at and a church that lines up with the Bible says.

In Proverbs 27:17 it says "As iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

Matthew 18:20 states "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

These two verses alone go to show that you cannot be by yourself and expect to keep on track, you have no one to be accountable to and your actions to stay on the straight and narrow.
This is not to say you can't read alone but it's always good to have others to confirm correct teaching.

Now having set that right let me Get back to God's forgiveness...
The whole Idea of God's forgiveness relies on the fact that we need to have real repentance which means doing a 180 from our sins.
Everyone has trouble with falling into traps of their own, we're only human after all but at least making an effort to try and turn from it is what counts.
There are some who think they can continue sinning and just ask for forgiveness, God knows your heart and knows if you're honest with wanting forgiveness or if you're trying to fool God but they're only fooling themselves into thinking that their hearts aren't revealed before God.
God's forgiveness works on Repentance, if someone is not honestly repentant then God cannot forgive them.
There are those as I stated that don't believe anything is a sin and with that they cannot be forgiven.
This is not to say people cannot be forgiven on their deathbed, the point is that your ask for forgiveness is about being honestly being sorry for what you did.
Some think they can use this as an excuse to wait until the last minute but this is faulty thinking and here's why.

1.You don't know when you'll die, anything could happen and you could die at any moment without warning.

2. You loose time...
When you're a witness to others you gain your reward in heaven through both bringing others to Christ and also through what you did in your life.
Now this is NOT to say that works alone will do it by any means, James 2:20 says that faith without works is dead and Vise Versa but you also have to look at and consider Ephesians 2:8 which says salvation is by grace through faith.
We were meant to do good works but not rely on them totally for our salvation because it has already been worked out but is only part of who we are supposed to be in Christ.

3. God knows our hearts.
Waiting for the last second is a major problem due to the fact that God knows you've been putting it off, they try to postpone living for God so they can live their own way and then when life is over they think they can fool God into thinking that they were sorry for living in sin.
The problem is that they're hearts are exposed before God, He knows when they're trying to fool Him or if they are really being honest.

I hope this has shown you a great deal and helps you understand the truth behind the grace of God.

We must be honest, Repent accept Jesus is the only way, we cannot earn our way to heaven and should not wait for the last minute because we don't know when that will be.
After reading this please do yourself a favor, if you're trying to play games and trying to fool God into forgiveness while wanting to live your own way because you're only fooling yourself and it's both a shame and a waste.
Please read or reread as many times as needed, meditate on it and pray if you still don't understand.

Good Ol' Abe and the Redesigning of America.

I've been on a Abraham Lincoln quoting Binge of late and I suppose that's because He has so many great quotes.
It's no secret where my views are and going through the Journey of life and finding out what I believe and standing for it even if it means the world is standing against me is actually easier than it looks.
Yes people get mad at me for it but since when has it stopped me any other time in my life?
I am stubborn and anyone who knows me can tell you that fact, I have a loud voice and perhaps am a bit too opinionated on everything due to the fact that I don't believe in tact.
It's not that I don't believe it doesn't exist, I just think it's a waste of time, I'm what you call a truth freak.
To me you are either telling the truth or lying and that may sound like something extreme to most but at least with me you know exactly where I stand and what I believe, there is no mixed messages or two faced person.
Now I do get misunderstood when I speak sometimes but that's part of life, my own Mother misunderstood me up until a few years ago so that says a lot for my complexity.
To explain farther To me, even if you're not telling the whole story you're leaving things out which is again... Lying.
Being brutally Honest can be hard sometimes but I figure it's a lot like a band-aid, it hurts at first and people don't like it much but then the pain is over and you know exactly how to mend the wound underneath.
Beating around the bush does no good because the truth comes back around again and you're wasting time rather than getting things figured out which has never made much sense to me.
So you ask "what does this have to do with the Redesigning of America?" I'm glad I asked in your voice.
well see lately our country has been going through turmoil and with the tea party movement and being divided over the Healthcare bill, being taxed wayyyy too much and other things.
I'm not sure people are aware of this but just last year alone there was over 7,500 tax bill adjustments added.
So if you didn't think we were being taxed too bad think again, We have over 7,500 tax laws in our country?!
I don't know about you but I think that is way too much taxing going on and on top of that California just started taxing it's people with the healthcare tax with a $2.00 add on to their current taxes.
This means when it ripples to everywhere else we can say goodbye to cheap late night taco bell runs for 79, 89 and 99 cents and instead we'll be paying 2.79,2.89,2.99.
Goodbye to dollar menus and the popular dollar stores.
There was a civil war and I don't wish that again, I hope that we can do this like reasonable people and hope that liberals see how much damage they're doing.
I am going to the Tea party rally on Thursday and I will be helping out there along with Republicans and Democrats alike.
We are brothers and sisters in this nation, we are not Black, White or Mexican Americans but just... Americans!
we have a common interest and belief and knowledge of what is right and wrong with a moral sense of outrage for what our government is becoming.
I heard a while back of racial slurs being yelled at black democrats and even though I believe they were liberals trying to make us look bad if I hear any such thing I am making a citizens arrest and waiting for the police to take them to jail because I will not tolerate that behavior!
But if we cannot succeed in our banning together peacefully to get back our government I fear we will have another civil war on our hands, the people raising up to take back this country.
Both Democrat and republicans {Conservatives} coming together to overhaul this country like it was meant to be in the past as our forefathers wrote.

We have gone through so much and we are a young nation yet compared to others and yet we took the lead showing our liberties and compassion for others to come here to make their home.
We did it under God in a covenant with Him and He had vastly blessed this nation and I believe if it were not for those praying we would have been destroyed long ago.
In such a short time we have become one of the largest and richest {despite our debt} nation in the world.
We have gathered ourselves to go help nations in need, spend our money to get Haiti back, give our time and money when Katrina Hit, when Germany and Hitler were threatening a global take over we joined those who were brave enough to fight such a thing.
War is not pretty and is tough but if freedom is not worth fighting for than should we be happy to turn over and become slaves to a power that threatens our very way of life?
Peace comes at a price and the way that the bullies are kept in check are with the thought that they might get hit back.
People think that if everyone were to just give all their guns up it would be peaceful but that is not true, if the good and honorable ones lay down their arms who will keep the evil one's in check? do you think evil people will give up their guns or do you think they will take advantage of an unarmed nation?
The honorable people will do the honorable thing while dishonorable people will not, it is the nature of things and people do not change.
If a man goes into a coffee shop to rob it and sees 7 people in there armed what is the likely hood that the robber will actually go through with it knowing there's a great chance He will be shot?
As sad as it is the more people who are armed the safer people are, it's an odd fact and you can look up the stats yourself.
Crime rates of Robberies, sex crimes, car thefts and a whole host of things actually went down when the people were free to carry guns.
My main point is this, we need to get back to the greatness of what we were as a country under the intentions of noble people.
We need to stick up for what is right in spite of people hating us for it, doing the right thing isn't always easy but it's worth it in the end to keep our freedoms.
We as a nation need to come together and Redesign America back to our roots because our current state is horrendous.
Please read or reread this and contemplate on it or send it to friends if you liked it because I believe it is very important in this time right now we are in.

Let me leave you with yet another Abraham Lincoln quote...

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it."