If you have been wondering why I haven't been writing it's because I've been Preoccupied with what's been going on in my life.
I don't like where I am in life, I look around and I see what's going on with everyone else and I feel as though I should be farther along with my life.
I'll be turning 30 at the end of the month and I have nothing to show for it, my Younger brother just got married not long ago, it's like that with a lot of people I know, My brother has built a place for Himself as a manager where He's worked for 11 years.
Granted I know He wants more but at least He's got something stable to hold onto which is more than I can say for myself.
I'm unemployed like 10% of Americans but even before that I had a hard time finding or holding a job although it's nice to blame a downed economy so I don't feel like such a failure.
Living with your parents is not the most Ideal place to be even though I understand more people my age are living with parents.
Well the unemployed thing isn't totally true I guess, I mean I work as a media Manager for a friend of mine but my pay is based on a project we're doing and that's on hold for now so I won't have income until the project is done.
I feel bad because all I can do is Help out, I don't have any money to give my parents and most often I'm asking for it, mainly for eating if I do go out which lately hasn't been much.
I've cut down on the places I go so it's a bit easier but it's still hard on everyone across the board.
Sometimes I just want to pick up and go somewhere but then I think about it and have no clue where I would go.
I have friends in different places but then I would want to move somewhere warm but I don't know people in warm places...
What sucks the most is the fact I have no dating life, I know I need a job before I can date because I'm responsible like that but even if I did find someone to go out with it's not very Ideal that they would want to go back to dear ol' mom and dad's place.
Not that I don't love my parents but let's face it, I'm not a teenager anymore even though I didn't really date in my teen years either but that's another story all together.
I feel even more torn by the fact that I kind of want to go back to school but I have seen too many bad things with going back to school to doubt if it's even worth it to go.
I've seen people, get student loans and then head for 4 years of college or trade school, they get done only to find that either...
1. They have to go back to the same crap work they were trying to get away from.
2. They have nothing to come back to only to have to keep paying back student loans that they will never be able to pay back.
Right now it seems like I would have nothing to loose, I mean after all I'm already unemployed right?
Well see the thing is that I went for 2 years to a trade school and came back to nothing and I don't want to waste my time to come back to nothing again.
Another problem is that I have too many things I want to do if I did go back to school.
I want to be a better writer.
I want to go into art.
I want to go into animation.
I want to go into Film.
I want to go into Audio recording.
all these things would coincide with one another but would take years upon years to do, Right now I'm 30, even if I did do only 2 years each and passed, did well, I would be 40 by the time I got everything done and with no real promise of ever getting a Job.
My problem is that I am so scattered right now, I'm trying to write my novel and get it done but I'm so stressed out because I need money now and I keep getting side tracked and it's driving me nuts.
I know God has everything under control but I feel like I don't know what I should be doing right now, I want to pay my parents for staying here but it's so freaking hard to find something I won't fail at.
that's another story though...
People my age already have careers, wifes, houses and children of their own by now, all set and it drives me nuts that people younger than I am already are farther along in life than I am.
Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth getting out of bed anymore.
I'll leave you with this Quote...
"No amount of sizzle will make a bad steak good." - Anonymous
“School's a weird thing. I'm not sure it works.” - Johnny Depp
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