The rumors about the man from Nantucket are greatly exagerated.

So I've been going to school for a passion of mine and loving it a lot but I think the fact that all the books are going digital and the School is giving us Ipad 2's is AWESOME!
So besides that my Birthday is coming up and I'll be 31, it's strange how you can be 18 one moment and the next you're in your 30's.
Speaking of being 18, Steph and I have this strange thing going on, mainly it's my fault, I wind up blowing things out of proportion, I try not to get paranoid about that kinda thing but I've been better lately, I mean I keep having this feeling that if we argue she'll break up with me.
We've been together for 11 mo. now I believe which is crazy to me, nearly a year and I don't think I've ever had a relationship that long that I can recall and only about 3 I took seriously, not that I dated much to begin with.
I'm still looking for a job, I hate having to rely on my dad for money but I'm thankful He's been helping me out, I don't think people realize how much I don't like living at home or having to get money from my parents, People seem to have this idea that somehow I'm one of these people who wants to live with his parents the rest of his life when it's the further from the truth.
I also hear people can't take me seriously because my standing at the moment which is bogus, why is it that people seem to have this notion that if you're rich you have more clout than some guy who happens to be living on the street?
Correct me if I'm wrong But Obi Wan was a hermit wasn't he? Apart from him being completely fictional think about it, what makes my opinion any less valid than Bill Gates? Correct me if I'm wrong but Howard Hues was one of the richest men in the world in his time and the guy was completely nuts...Granted it was because of chlamydia but still the point is that people take you more seriously when you have money... Any money and you don't even have to be rich.
There's another perception people have of me, they seem to call me immature... :|
Believe it or not, I do have a serious and thought provoking side and yet people seem to look this over, I say something thought provoking and people are shocked.
Yes, I like Animation, yes I love to do voices and I can be like a kid some times but that doesn't mean I'm immature.
People have no idea how much I have to calm myself down from being hyper because people can't handle it, they can't handle my energy but even though I bring it down so others don't feel uncomfortable around me they don't know what a toll it takes on me.
If you had to hide who you are how would you feel? Accepted? Happy? Not likely at all and it's not fun either, it gets hard to maintain sometimes, I've been very reserved at school, very quiet, there's already a joker in my class so I take a back seat.
I've tried my hardest to not be so critical of things but I slip sometimes, people only want to hear what you have to say when they agree with it otherwise all hell breaks loose and people scream bloody murder for it.
God forbid you have a different opinion right?
I try to concentrate at school, sometimes I stay late...A lot and some times I get lost in my classes because they go fast, I like that the staff is there to help if you need it.
My life is falling into place and yet it's a mess at the same time, I don't know how that works, I love God very much, I know I screw up and right now I'm not exactly doing something some people like or want me to do, maybe I'm a hypocrite with it but I want people to not say anything and let me make my own mistakes.
I get enough guff and I'm working though something right now but people keep bugging me about it and I want something for me right now, I never asked for much but God brought me what I asked for even if I am going about it the wrong way, I'm still holding out hope in things, there must be a reason for it or it wouldn't have happened from my view.
I pray for my Girlfriend, I want her to encounter God but she has to do that on her own, I can't force her to believe and maybe I'm just here to plant seeds but People take up issue with me when it's me dating her and no one else; not really anyone else' business either.
I feel like this guy no one even knows, they know me, know of me and hear stories of what I am doing and yet they have no idea who I am or why I am the way I am.
I am the man from Nantucket [sort of]
That wasn't even my goal for this blog and yet as I write I am figuring out that I really am like the man from Nantucket.
I consider myself to be like David which is Ironic because it's my middle name of all things...
I am Chasing after God and even though I screw up badly sometimes God still finds favor with me, I looked out on the roof [Still am] and seeing something I'm not supposed to.
God has a weird way of using the broken and the losers who can't really do anything right, this is because it shows people God really is there and makes a world of difference, it gives us hope that if God can use people like that than imagine what He can do with people who aren't?

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."

—Will Rogers

There's a 700LBS. Gorilla living in the room and the only way I found I can get rid of him is just bananas!

So now it's 7 Mos. with Steph last Saturday, we got together and had a wonderful time together...Although my Mother was not pleased that I stayed the night with Steph at all which makes Steph feel like my mom hates Her which isn't the case but still.
 The only thing that really was a bummer was when both of us came down from the room the next morning and it was raining which pretty much ruined my plans to take Steph to the Gardens so we went to the movie beastly.
I had thought She might enjoy it but even the movie was kinda ruined when the sound kept going in and out half the movie, I forgot Paul was playing but I don't think she would have enjoyed that much either.
 Beastly is one of those movies that you can kinda wait for, it was a nice retelling and there were parts here and there that made me laugh but over all it wasn't as compelling as I would have hoped it would have been.
I'm not quite sure how to deal with everything, I mean I'm in this relationship and it's unusual and then there's school which I have so much going on I forget some of my assignments, It's not completely my fault though as I wouldn't have a problem with one thing or another if I only had one subject to deal with at a time.
 Like if I was purely modeling or photo-shopping or anything like that but when they tell you to build a full scale of a train with little parts and then write a mock up of a company with a power point presentation, write a essay, draw a woman posing and paint a portrait along with designing a video game character THEN paint it's portrait along with a fake game ad that you also design...
 That's the week and I don't have the computer for it so it's late night in the lab like tonight on which my parents call me and tell me what time it is...
 I look at my life and I can't help but feel as though I'm lagging behind everyone else my age, I know everyone has their own timing to live their lives and I also know a lot of people are living with their parents these days because of things...
 It's still very hard and there's a lot of fear of failing since it seems to know me so well but at the same time I have to keep a constant reminder that it's only failing if you don't get up after you fall.
 I got an interview with Phil Vischer who is the creator of Veggie tales and 321 Penguins, I tell you it really does give me hope to know that if Phil can start with 5 people out of His house in a bedroom then there's hope for me yet.
   I still need to find time to write my novel and I need to still learn guitar somewhere in the middle of all this chaos which seems like a near impossible task at the moment but I need to breath and try to get things done.
I found my cousin who I haven't talked to in a long time, I really missed him a lot and he was like a brother to me, I wanted to cry when he left.
So I wanted to keep all you up to date on what's going on in my life, as crazy as it is but now I have to figure out what my next objective is...

"Fairly early in life, I noticed my brain was weird. By that I mean that I noticed it had a way of looking at normal things from a slightly twisted angle--just twisted enough that it often made me chuckle." - Phil Vischer

My life is crazy right now!

I know I haven't written anything in a long time so I thought I would take some time out to write something quick to all 7 of my followers. lol
so I've been going to school and spending most of my time in the lab, My girlfriend and I have had a bumpy 6 month relationship and she sometimes doesn't know what she really wants except maybe for me.
We talk and half the time she doesn't know what to say and I have to admit I run out of things too but that tends to happen when you do most the talking...
There's only so many times you can ask "So what's up?" or "What do you have going on tomorrow?" you tend to loose steam from it.
then both of us wind up tired because it's late but she doesn't want to let me go because she still wants to talk despite not having anything left to talk about.
I love Her and we've been together for 6 months now but it's getting frustrating with being stressed out from school and no job.
I worked for Netflix for a while but they laid everyone off which left me unhappy to say the least, they were by far the best employer I've ever had and they lay nearly everyone off...
So now I'm trying to survive the best I can but it's hard because it puts stress on everyone including myself and it doesn't stop there either.
People seem to have this wrong impression of me, that because I'm living with my parents (Not something I want) that my opinions are invalid or that I'm immature.
I pay what I can when I can and they forget I was out on my own, I didn't always live with my parents...
I can't seem to catch a break at all which is why I'm going to school, I'm hoping that when I'm done I not only will have a stable job but eventually start my own animation company.
I would talk about what happened at the capitol but I stayed clear from that circus and I don't want to start a riot from my opinion.
For the most part I'm doing ok, Other than missing my girlfriend and being stressed out from school everything is going ok... Crazy but ok.

Out of nowhere I got Hit in the face by cupid's Boxing glove!

So I'm standing there and out of nowhere I got sucker punched!!!!
It's strange because I've wanted a relationship and frankly it came as a surprise that someone so much younger than I am has connected with me more than anyone else I've known.
We talked and video chatted and She amazes me in every way!
I miss her right now and I talked to her not but a few hours ago, We have a lot in common and she likes me for who I am even in all my dorkiness!!!
I'm breaking all my rules which is weird for me to do in the least, She's young which normally I keep the girls I date to 25 and older...
She's not a believer which I'm not going to try and convert Her in any way because it's a personal decision She has to make on Her own although it would be even better if she did make that choice on Her own.
I never expected this at all but I find it sad and strange that all the Christian women I asked out all shot me down or plain just don't like me and yet a Non Christian girl accepts me for who I am and absolutely adores me!
That is totally messed up!
I've been asked why I didn't find someone close who's a Christian and my reply is this...
"I tried, I really did and all I got was shot down every single time."
I know this is bad in some ways but I'm so sick of being the nice 'well behaved' guy who gets nowhere with anyone and the guy women don't want to be with so I'm going to stop, relax and have fun for once in my life.
People I know won't like it but I'm an adult and it's not for lack of trying to find a nice Christian girl, I've had more of a connection with Steph than anyone else I've ever met!!!
This feels so right and She makes me so happy that I just want to be around Her all the time, it's very hard to not be around Her, I've never felt like I've wanted to be with anyone this badly before.
The strangest part of this all is how quickly it happened and the fact of how much I like Her in such a short time. :D

I know this is the spot I normally put a quote for you but I'm smiling too much... Maybe I'll add one later. lol :D

While sitting in a bookstore you'll find an elephant in the corner.

I don't get out that often in part due to the fact that I have to ration my gas of my car and the other part due to that it's far too hot and muggy lately.
Now the house I'm at doesn't have air conditioning like the old place did, I have a fan but it's hard to put it at a good decent distance from myself so it cools me and doesn't dry my eyes out.
I find it hard to do any writing of my novel, I tend to get distracted, I don't much like tv either which makes it that much stranger if I'm watching some rerun of any show.
It's either that or it's getting caught up on the web, I can zip through my accounts not problem, the main problem is that a bedroom is a dangerous place to write a novel because my bed is there calling me to dream land.
I've been so stinking tired, even when I drink an energy drink I seem to be able to drift off easy enough but then it doesn't help that I've been staying up till all hours lately.
I have an opportunity to have a girlfriend and that would be a wonderful but it would be long distance and I know more than anyone how hard that is.
On one hand it would afford me not to have to spend money on "dates" like movie and dinner, that would be convenient because I don't have the money at the moment for things like that.
Then on the other hand I don't think it would be fair to Her because I couldn't come visit her either.
It's not like she's too far away, She's only a few hours away so I'm torn with the whole thing and right now it's just being friends while I figure out if I want to pursue anything.
Generally I would jump on the opportunity to have a girlfriend just because it's been over 5 years since I've had a relationship.
This doesn't mean I'm desperate by any means because I'm not one of those people who feel they're worth something only when they're with someone.
I've been contemplating if women even like me at all because any time I ask anyone out I get shot down, it's much like a game of duck hunt.
What those women don't realize is that when I'm in a relationship I put myself in it, I'm loyal, romantic and I don't mind talking and opening up or going to see "chick flicks".
Women always whine about wanting a guy like me and yet they pass me over so quickly that I find it a bit Ironically funny.
"Why are all the best guys either taken or gay?" This is something else I hear a lot too but that is a false assumption due to the fact that they pass us up and they won't look twice at us unless we have a woman on our arm and taken.
I swear women don't notice unless that happens because once they find out someone is taken they start to ponder what qualities that man has to get another woman to be with Him.
It's enough to make me want to buy a wedding ring and see the women start being attracted, you might say that's wrong to do but I ask you, what's worse? Me putting on a fake wedding ring or the the women that ignore me unless I have a ring on?
It all doesn't matter which is worse because their both wrong and it's all comparative anyways, I don't think anything is better or worse than anything else, if we were to treat everything at the same horror then I think we could stop Judging one another.
Is molestation worse than murder or bestiality? I say no they're all wrong and all despicable so it shouldn't matter.
Now I got off on a rant there for a second but going back to what I was saying, I want to make it clear that I DON'T wear a fake ring or anything of the sort, just tempted to try it as a test.
Right now my life is less than Ideal to say the least but I realize that it could be far worse in a lot of other ways.
I just don't like feeling like a burden like I do, there's not really any Jobs available and the risk of starting a new business is dangerous in this economy with everything that's going on.
It's a rock and a hard place thing, do I go to school only to come back with no jobs available like I've seen so many times or do I go to a crappy job that will get me nowhere, start a business only to fail or not try at all and never see if I would succeed.
These are frustrations that I go through not to mention that I want to be a great writer like my ancestor Charles Dickens...
It's in my blood and I can't deny it but my creative side often outweighs my ability to push on to finish my writings, Sometimes I feel like if I had someone to challenge and push me I would have the drive to do anything.
It goes with the same way with anything I do in life though which makes it quite the paradox, I know it doesn't work this way but this is how it plays out in my head....

I'm not doing anything with my life because I don't have anyone to drive me wanting to do anything, if I had someone I would be more inclined to want to do more, I can't have someone because I'm not doing anything with my life and no one wants someone who isn't getting things done.

I find myself not being able to do either because one relies on the other, I don't make money because I don't have anyone for me to drive to earn it on and I can't have someone unless I have money to earn to go out...

I know what I need to do, I know I need to find the drive to earn money so I can find someone to spend it on but I can't quite find a reason to push myself to that extent because of reasons I have said in other entries with jobs and college.

Half the Jobs I can't do because it takes 4 year degrees which leaves menial jobs half of which I can't do which leaves sparse jobs.

I can't do food service because I can't push food out fast enough in a lunch rush and I'm not that great of a cook unless it's for myself and food service won't let you only be on register.

Retail I can't do because I worked it for 2 years and I hated how they push credit cards on the people, you don't get hours unless you have people sign up for their cards and I'm not one for forcing people into debt, I just won't do that to people.
Also I have a bad habit of being short with moron customers after a few hours and not one to hold my tongue if someone writes a check which often times gets me in trouble.
I mean honestly who writes checks in stores?? I understand writing checks for paying your bills but not for a store!

I can do office work but it's been so long since I've done that, that I'm not sure I could get a job in an office.

I can do janitorial but that just feels demeaning and lets face it, what woman would admit Her boyfriend is a janitor?

Warehouse work isn't bad but I'm a bit out of shape so it makes it hard to do what's required of me if I did.

I think about these things and it seems depressing that no matter what I do it's not going to matter much when everyone else is so far ahead in the race?

I'll leave you with these quotes...

"In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was."

"I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." ~Danny McGoorty

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” - William James

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino

Three Decades and counting...

I'm up, That's kind of a given and frankly I want to Blog a little more often.
It was my Birthday on the 31st of July, I wanted to write something but it didn't happen as you could see.
It's very strange to be as old as I am and I think it throws my Mother off that I still watch cartoons, Because everyone knows adults "don't watch cartoons" despite the fact that Adults MAKE the cartoons.
Why do I have to stop watching cartoons just because I'm an adult?
They don't make them quite like they used to though, all the stuff from today has nothing on the cartoons of the past. though I might be Biased there.
Look, I watch both shows for grown ups and "Kids" Programing.
Cartoons have always been for more adults than kids, there's things that go right over kids heads and appeal to adults.
Look at Pixar. :D
Who doesn't like it when Tom Chases Jerry around with a hammer, Jerry stops and picks up a huge mallet... Tom comes to a complete halt and finds good charity from Jerry when Jerry selflessly offers to switch the huge mallet for the little ballPene hammer.
Tom gladly switches Only to be hit on the foot with the same hammer He just switched. :D
Or how about all the other animated violence of yesteryear?
Frankly there's too many stupid people out there that think that kids aren't responsible for their actions.
I never went around hitting my brother with a shovel, you know why?? because my Parents were responsible enough to teach me right from wrong so I could watch something and know that If I hit someone they can/will get seriously hurt.
I'm not saying to let kids watch violent programing or play violent games, there are ratings there for a reason... BUT on the other hand if a kid plays a violent game or watches something Don't go blaming the things.
The parents should be confident in the fact that they hopefully taught their child, right and wrong, Reality from fantasy.
Parents can't always watch their kids 24/7, so a sleep over might turn into a movie the parent might not let their kids normally watch which is why I said it's important that you've taught your kids to know differences.
Anyway walking past that mini rant.lol
I'm 30 now and that is all too freaky to say the least because last thing I know I was 17 and all of a sudden I'm 30!
I had fun though, we went to the Safe-house in Milwaukee, If you don't know about it google it because it's a lot of fun and good food too.
Right now I feel stressed and torn because I don't feel like I've done much of anything with my life and I'm not happy where I'm at and where I'm going either.
Life isn't really complex at all in my opinion, I think we as humans make Life this big huge complex thing and make it far more complex then it has to be.
That's a lot to say coming from a person who isn't sure what to do next but then I don't think we're supposed to fully know because if we all knew what was going to happen next it would effect our judgement along with our free will.
Everyone acts according to their experiences and according to what they know, the pieces of the puzzle they've fit together so far.
The problem is that some people are only as far as the blue sky pieces so they can't quite fit where the other pieces go yet.
Have you ever heard the story of the blind men and the Elephant??

It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.

The First approach'd the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, -"Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out his eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he,
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Then, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

In the end we all have our journey's ahead of us and I'm only a part way there, I think the main thing is this.
Those blind men only happened to stay where they were and never moved at all so they never felt any other part of the Elephant which is why they argued so much instead of feeling the whole beast.
I don't know what's next for me or what I'm going to be doing next, all I can hope is my Novel gets finished and hope for the best from this year and the next few years.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but it's hard not to when everyone else seems to have careers,families,homes and kids by my age which is what's making my life both more complex and more frustrating than it really should be.

Let me leave you with these quotes...

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. ~Frank Tyger

“You're dead if you aim only for kids. Adults are only kids grown up, anyway.” ~Walt Disney

Are all the work done by children?! Not the whipping...

Don't be alarmed... that Phrase as off putting as it is was a quote from the show Futurama.
I love the show, it's very funny, smart and frankly the best Animated show on Tv to date if not dare I say ever!
In context the quote is funny because it puts the reality of the 3rd world in front of people's faces and in a interesting way.
I think you can do anything in comedy to get a little chuckle out of people but then they think about it, it's face to face with people.
As a matter of fact I was talking with someone on the 28th about how there are Children in other countries who pretty much live on a dump, sorting through filth and garbage for little money, not going to school because they need to help their family.
I have gone to Jamaica twice and both times we went to orphanages, that was very hard because those kids were so love deprived it made it hard not to want to take one home with you...Truly Heart breaking.
In this economy it's hard to do anything other than worry about what will happen to your own family let alone another person in your own town, state, country or even half way around the world.
We're supposed to be socially aware and it's good that people go to other countries to help where needed.
Now that I said that let me say this...

We are a broken country, it's left vs. right and we are all broke in this economy with 10% of people unemployed at the moment.
we have people loosing their homes, barely making ends meet to feed their families.
That's here and it's sad that in a country like ours we should have to see anyone wind up in that situation.
Look, I'm all for Helping our fellow man, in fact when I have money I buy someone a meal that is hard up.
If you donate to charities let me say that's great but also maybe think about finding one that can help here in the states because how can we help others when there are still problems in this country?
Yes I realize that we have programs here that help or are supposed to but often time there's so much red tape it's redonkulous!
If you know a family in need maybe you can help them out, help out in a food pantry, Shelter or things like that.
I've heard of people taking their kids on Christmas to show them how fortunate they are and show them how to give a real gift and what the season really means.
Maybe you think I'm a jerk because I'm saying we need to put our own before any other country but we need to look out for our own because no matter what your stand is we are all American first and foremost which makes us all brothers and sisters.

I usually get a lot of guff for what I'm going to say next but I'm saying it anyway because it needs to be said.
We have helped how many countries out over the years and how many help us when we need it? China bails us out but now we're working for them.
Is it any wonder our economy collapsed when all our stuff is from other countries and we don't do nearly as much exporting?!
On top of that the Banks gave out freaking loans to people who they knew can never pay it back.
There's too much to put down about why our economy is screwed up as it is but I won't go into that now.

I'll leave you with these quotes...


I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. ~Mother Teresa


Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one. ~Nicholas Berdyaev